Music, musical instruments, and guilt.

[BigBasserino]

So truth be told, I've retired from music for about a year, ever since I took up a "serious" (well, as serious as I can take myself for) job. I play bass sometimes. I play sax sometimes. But looking back on the years with more "friends" that moved on, the money I've invested into music, the time spent on either learning music that goes to waste as soon as the band I've been mixing with is done or my own abstract tastes just always cues up guilt for me. I've been passionate about music since I was maybe 16 and I'm 34 now and I honestly kind of dread reflecting on years of "the old college try". In the pop world music may be a uniter but it's the opposite for those that aren't on American Idol or whatever. I've tried rekindling the old flame so to speak and I do get into some stuff I play along to but really thinking about my experiences in music is like looking at monuments of my failures, no matter how successful some of them were.

Am I just crazy or something? If I look in any other direction. ...I'm not affected mentally.

 

[dreamadream99]

You don’t have to have passion to be involved in music, but when it involves financial outlays, and lots of time improving, it sure does help.

 

[T_Bone_TL]

Huh? You've been in the "make it big and be a star" game and it didn't work out as you dreamed?

I never really had much to do with that dream (perhaps a few moments with the High School band that clicked pretty well, but as a money-making venture - ah, nope.) I enjoy getting together with folks to play music - it's relaxing and fun and recharges my brain. Music as a pleasant hobby is an option, but if you are hung up on "making it" and "not having made it" you may or may not ever get there.

Or it may just take a long hiatus follwed by needing to refurbish the cracked pads on your sax if you haven't sold it during the hiatus.

For me, noodling at home alone with or without a backing track does not do it - it's playing with an ensemble (other people.)

I don't regard time spent learning as "wasted" regardless of whether what I've learned happens to be immediately useful to me today. It may come in handy tomorrow, or next week, month, or year, and in any case it helps to keep the mental muscle in shape for whatever I need to learn next.

 

[BigBasserino]

You don’t have to have passion to be involved in music, but when it involves financial outlays, and lots of time improving, it sure does help.

True, it also takes passion (and money) to chase a music degree and then find yourself mixing with musicians that have a hard time differentiating tritones from power chords too. It's not strictly about money but I'd be lying if I didn't say I kicked myself with every investment gone sour.

 

[ClusterFlux]

I see no reason to feel guilty. You followed your passion, it didn't work out, that's pretty typical. "It's better to regret something you have done, than something you haven't done."

As long as you enjoy music, I say keep playing. It doesn't have to be a vocation to be enjoyable.

 

[BigBasserino]

Huh? You've been in the "make it big and be a star" game and it didn't work out as you dreamed?

I never really had much to do with that dream (perhaps a few moments with the High School band that clicked pretty well, but as a money-making venture - ah, nope.) I enjoy getting together with folks to play music - it's relaxing and fun and recharges my brain. Music as a pleasant hobby is an option, but if you are hung up on "making it" and "not having made it" you may or may not ever get there.

Or it may just take a long hiatus follwed by needing to refurbish the cracked pads on your sax if you haven't sold it during the hiatus.

For me, noodling at home alone with or without a backing track does not do it - it's playing with an ensemble (other people.)

I don't regard time spent learning as "wasted" regardless of whether what I've learned happens to be immediately useful to me today. It may come in handy tomorrow, or next week, month, or year, and in any case it helps to keep the mental muscle in shape for whatever I need to learn next.

It sounds that juvenile, does it?

Nah, no "big star", just wanted to be one of those touring underground rockers. But whatever.

I'll admit, I haven't been sitting by the window praying to get signed. I just realized over the years that I became too musically weird to get signed in a million years. Ever since I discovered local music and then branched into net bands it became less about the childhood favorites and more about what band one-upped the next, even if they're some Czech band of nobodies.

It's this and that I feel most of the people I worked with over the years were just plain deceitful. What finally snapped for me was the one guy who I stuck my neck out for (the drummer, ironically) years playing together finally revealed he slammed my reputation to anyone who would listen behind my back. This after "chasing the goal" while everyone else I knew got on with their lives so it's like why bother "getting out there" at this point? I've done music school, dabbled in electronic music, did all this band **** and I'm just burned. I'm just some guy trying to get his financials in order with a generic bachelor's in music.

I see no reason to feel guilty. You followed your passion, it didn't work out, that's pretty typical. "It's better to regret something you have done, than something you haven't done."

As long as you enjoy music, I say keep playing. It doesn't have to be a vocation to be enjoyable.

I'm just torn on it. I'm in my mid-30s and honestly these years I'd rather spend the days lately in my steam account.

It DOES have to mean something to other people to be enjoyable tho. And I'm just some noise-studying mad scientist.