To text or not to text?

[Swampish]

I was responding to another post and it indirectly reminded me of multiple situations where email or text threads gone awry led to serious band issues, even an eventual break up. In virtually all of the cases, and this isn't specific to bands, what started of as an innocuous question or statement was inevitably misinterpreted by someone. Or someone "saying" something that was meant to be sarcastic or tongue in cheek was taken at face value by another member.
I guess if members are reacting sensitively to things like this, it could certainly be a sign of other issues, but has anyone had this problem with bandmates where things got way out of hand in texts or emails that wouldn't have unraveled the same way face to face or even on the phone?

 

[pablomago]

I sent an email to a potential band member and I described the various personalities of the band and jokingly referred to our drummer as "a bit of a pothead." I cc'ed the email to the other band members. The drummer was livid. One of the guitar players thought I was oversharing. I realized that I crossed some lines. I'm still playing with the drummer in another band as that one soon fell apart. We're still friends, but not as close as we were before that. So, yeah I have had electronic communications backfire and cause issues.

Face to face is best. Phone is second best. Texts and email are only for things like confirming practices and gigs or other general communications.

 

[WI Short Scaler]

It happens so easily with electronic communication because tone of voice, facial cues, all get lost. What is seen as humorous interaction in person can come off as negative sarcasm in text or email form.

 

[Oddly]

I voted no, with the knowing how to communicate option, but I'd like to add a ' ' in case that made me seem arrogant and better than the rest of you slobs.

Also, a mis-directed chat message in-game has resulted in having to end a beautiful affair... don't ask.

 

[JRA]

has anyone had this problem with bandmates where things got way out of hand in texts or emails that wouldn't have unraveled the same way face to face or even on the phone?

folks who know me by way of 'real life' have only occasionally needed clarification --- usually one of my grown children. the musicians in my 'real life' assume i'm being sarcastic (or trying to be funny) in my written communications, and they fire back --- fun(ny) stuff! i probably have more trouble here than anywhere else...for the reasons already mentioned.

but whether here or with others in 'real life': i don't hesitate with an attempt to clarify if i'm aware that there may be a problem.

i voted for the "marriage" option in the poll, for fun, but it doesn't really apply...nor did any of the other options (i don't use punctuation particularly well, i could care less about spellcheck, and i don't think humor is dead). but i do like polls!

 

[Joe Nerve]

Yes. Texting causes problems, as well as a whole lot of wasted time when texting with someone who ONLY knows how to text, and has no speaking skills.

What I think it good however is that people are getting much better at this. In the days of AOL Instant Messenger 5 out of 10 conversations I had would turn into trouble. Now people have gotten much better. Or maybe it's just me , and always was...

 

[Old Garage-Bander]

I was responding to another post and it indirectly reminded me of multiple situations where email or text threads gone awry led to serious band issues, even an eventual break up. In virtually all of the cases, and this isn't specific to bands, what started of as an innocuous question or statement was inevitably misinterpreted by someone. Or someone "saying" something that was meant to be sarcastic or tongue in cheek was taken at face value by another member.
I guess if members are reacting sensitively to things like this, it could certainly be a sign of other issues, but has anyone had this problem with bandmates where things got way out of hand in texts or emails that wouldn't have unraveled the same way face to face or even on the phone?

I agree with your sense of other things being a contributing factor.
If everyone is more or less on the same page band-wise, or any-other-wise and know each other's "style of conversation", then they should be able to get past any little miscommunications.

 

[Jimmy4string]

How can this be a poll with out Carrot communication systems?!

 

[lfmn16]

I've never had a problem, but I play with grown-ups. If a poorly worded or mis-understood text breaks up a band, it was probably headed that way anyway. I don't have time for people that go out of their way looking for things to be offended over.

 

[zoonose]

I had a guitar player tell me to go shag myself via Facebook message once. That was the end of that band.

 

[zoonose]

shag

That's not the word I used, but I'll leave it as is. Thanks, Talkbass!

 

[Greg Waldon]

I prefer to discuss important things in person. Emails and text can come across completely different than it was intended and that is where the problems begin. Not worth the risk.

 

[selowitch]

Texts and e-mail are best used for strictly factual stuff. Anything of emotional import should be reserved for the phone or, better yet, for talking in person.
I give this advice over and over again to people like my dad, who is 74.

 

[juancaminos]

The day of the gig from begining to end is all about the gig to me. Band members want to engage in conversation about a lot of things while I am trying to set up the pa, monitors, lights and my bass (sometimes a 6 string guitar) I tell them sorry I'm focused on tonight, if you want to talk about anything that has to do with the show tonight I am all yours otherwise we will discuss via email tomorrow. I am also ok with some parking lot discussion about pretty much anything during load out. They all know that if it's a one on one conversation then a phone call, text or email on non show days are best. If it's a group discussion then email or discussion at band practice. That's how I roll.

 

[NZBassman]

I was in a band ages ago and had a Friday night free, so I took the Mrs out for dinner.... just as we were about to order food my phone beeps and it was the singer texting me - went like this
Singer "where are you"?
Me "out having some dinner"
Singer "Why aren't you at XXX for the gig"?
Me "because we don't have a gig according to my records"
Singer "Yes we do and we need you at XXX NOW"
Me "when was this gig booked? I've got nothing in my diary and no-one mentioned anything after last weeks gig"
Singer "please just get here"

I relayed this to the Mrs and she gave me the look... but knew I was going to get paid so we abruptly left the restaurant without ordering food and went home (5 minutes away) and I loaded up my band gear and went to the gig.
When I got there another drummer was setting up (whom I'd played with before) - turns out our drummer didn't know we had a gig either and when the singer txt him he said he couldn't do it because he's scored a fill in gig with another band.
She had told guitarist because they lived together, but not myself and drummer

 

[dtripoli]

Our band rule is;
Text msgs are to be considered humorous or for quick info like asking for a member to bring something or downbeat time changed.
Email is for serious band decisions, complaints or concerns.
I always assume text is based in humor if unsure and I've relayed this axiom to the rest of the band.
Humor you'd say in person sometimes doesn't translate well with a short text and can cause unrest among the band.

 

[mike o]

I’m the worst at email and text. Often miss understood because my 3rd grade education limits my ability to sugar coat any message. Hell, i only used spell check 15 times in this message. I’m jumping off before I piss off another pedr - persp - pepl. Ah poopie. Now spell check is down. You know what I’m was trying to say.

 

[biguglyman]

A lot of the messed up communication could be avoided by the invention/use of a sarcasm font...

 

[catcauphonic]

Less so with the b-mates, but it's happened several times with civilians where we would have had a chuckle face to face. Plenty of folks immediately go into offended or defensive mode quickly.

Edit: the less the person on the other end knows you, the more you should keep humor and sarcasm to a minimum

 

[pcake]

i've had a few text experiences that make me not favor texts for any importance, nuanced or time-related situations.

a relative of mine had a GF who managed to add snark and sarcasm into half the texts he sent her despite the fact that he never meant them that way.

recently my son arrived at our condo complex to pick me up. he texted that he was at the gate, but i didn't get the text for 24 hours, so i didn't come out till he re-texted me.

it doesn't happen that way often, but the other time i recall it happening was worse as my buddy was supposed to text me when he landed at the airport, and i didn't get that one for days, so he sat an extra hour and a half before checking to see where i was.