Bathroom Emergency in the Middle of a set?

Rum Ham

Rum Ham

Jan 28, 2018
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4,551
Ohio
#1
Just wanted to know if anyone else has had to make a number 2, emergency style, while playing? I know I ain't the only one.
It hit about 2 bars into the second song. I started sweating and squeezing my you bum cheeks tight, praying to make it til the end of the song at least. Didn't happen. Everybody in the club got to see me drop my bass, not set it down, but flop it like a baseball bat after a base hit, and do that run/walk/clench that is totally indicative of a child making stinks.
I mouthed " I gotta poop" to the singer, don't know why, but I felt it was the right thing to do, as if he really needed any verbal confirmation of my current status. And off I went, my bands song playing like a soundtrack to my personal shame as I exited the stage, marched thru the crowd, with those knowing stares and claimed my throne.
Now as I was finished with the act, I had to carefully select my return.Do I go back out and have all eyes on me for my poopy shame? Or do I wait it out and let this be a brown note free performance? Like really, what do I do, I am in the bathroom right now...
 
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#7
It's never personally happened to me. Which is amazing to me because I have a history of having to do #2 at the most inopportune moments.

Once we had this lead singer that eventually deteriorated into a worthless alcoholic. Right in the middle of singing a song, he just stops singing, walks over to me and says "I GOTTA PISS!" And off he went. So I ended up singing the rest of the song. There were other issues, but that was the last time we played in public with that dude.
 
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#9
Yes. Well I went back out. The crowd gave me the look. The ol stink eye. You'd figure the church crowd would be a little more forgiving but, well I felt I was judged.
At least the Pastor/Lead singer was agreeable about the whole thing. Asked everybody to pray for my colon. Crappy way to end the weekend.
Lesson learned, stay away from the all you can eat chili at Skyway before a gig, and pack a can of airfreshner like a can of mace, it's bad enough to be a dealt it, those good church folk don't want to be the smelt it again.
 
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#10
podiumboy said:
It's never personally happened to me. Which is amazing to me because I have a history of having to do #2 at the most inopportune moments.

Once we had this lead singer that eventually deteriorated into a worthless alcoholic. Right in the middle of singing a song, he just stops singing, walks over to me and says "I GOTTA PISS!" And off he went. So I ended up singing the rest of the song. There were other issues, but that was the last time we played in public with that dude.
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At least he was coherent enough to leave, could of, you know, pulled that puppy out and sprayed the bass drum like a dog at a hydrant.
 
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#12
Rum Ham said:
Yes. Well I went back out. The crowd gave me the look. The ol stink eye. You'd figure the church crowd would be a little more forgiving but, well I felt I was judged.
At least the Pastor/Lead singer was agreeable about the whole thing. Asked everybody to pray for my colon. Crappy way to end the weekend.
Lesson learned, stay away from the all you can eat chili at Skyway before a gig, and pack a can of airfreshner like a can of mace, it's bad enough to be a dealt it, those good church folk don't want to be the smelt it again.
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Wait now. This was in church?
Oh boy.
I'd just leave the state.
 
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#14
Brother, as a guy who's had various versions of colitis and IBD since the age of 21, I hear you, and I sympathize with you. Amazingly, I've never had an "attack" while playing, which as I write this seems amazing since I've had "incidents" like yours in other situations, most notably right before my oral arguments in law school. Made it to the bathroom just in time. The other times I'd rather not revisit. The anti-diarrhea stuff beginning with the letter "I" -- Imodium -- that's what worked for me.
 
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#16
The only time I had an issue was when I was playing a festival in front of about 25,000 people. The band that was going on after us didn't show up and we were asked to extend our set. The guitarist / BL failed to tell the rest of us. When we finished our normal set, I put my bass on my stand and the guitarist asked me what I was doing. I told him the set was over. He then informed us that we had to continue playing. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem. However, I really had to urinate and had been holding it for several songs. I had just been diagnosed with diabetes and was still learning how to manage it. I told the guitar player that I had to go and would be right back. He went to the microphone and said "We have to take a quick break while my bass player goes and pisses out all the beer he's been drinking". (I hadn't drank any alcohol). I went to the mic, waved to the crowd and said "That would be me and I haven't been drinking, I'm a diabetic. When you have to go, you have to go. I'll be right back". I left the stage and was gone for 2 or 3 minutes. When I got back, the crowd started cheering. After our set the guitarist screamed at me and said "Don't ever embarrass me like that again". I reminded him about the diabetes and apologized for having to go to the bathroom. I also reminded him that at that point, our set should have been over, that I was willing to play longer but really had to go and I came back and played twice as long as we were supposed to play. He said he wasn't upset about me leaving the stage, he was upset about what I said to the crowd. I told him that I wasn't trying to embarrass him and that he had actually tried to make me look foolish. I told him that all he had to do was talk to the crowd for a couple of minutes and everything would have been fine.

Since then, I've had a few close calls and had to run to the bathroom as soon as our set was over but have not had to leave in the middle of a set.
 
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#17
Kmonk said:
The only time I had an issue was when I was playing a festival in front of about 25,000 people. The band that was going on after us didn't show up and we were asked to extend our set. The guitarist / BL failed to tell the rest of us. When we finished our normal set, I put my bass on my stand and the guitarist asked me what I was doing. I told him the set was over. He then informed us that we had to continue playing. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem. However, I really had to urinate and had been holding it for several songs. I had just been diagnosed with diabetes and was still learning how to manage it. I told the guitar player that I had to go and would be right back. He went to the microphone and said "We have to take a quick break while my bass player goes and pisses out all the beer he's been drinking". (I hadn't drank any alcohol). I went to the mic, waved to the crowd and said "That would be me and I haven't been drinking, I'm a diabetic. When you have to go, you have to go. I'll be right back". I left the stage and was gone for 2 or 3 minutes. When I got back, the crowd started cheering. After our set the guitarist screamed at me and said "Don't ever embarrass me like that again". I reminded him about the diabetes and apologized for having to go to the bathroom. I also reminded him that at that point, our set should have been over, that I was willing to play longer but really had to go and I came back and played twice as long as we were supposed to play. He said he wasn't upset about me leaving the stage, he was upset about what I said to the crowd. I told him that I wasn't trying to embarrass him and that he had actually tried to make me look foolish. I told him that all he had to do was talk to the crowd for a couple of minutes and everything would have been fine.

Since then, I've had a few close calls and had to run to the bathroom as soon as our set was over but have not had to leave in the middle of a set.
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I would have had two words for the guitarist for getting in my face and they aren't Merry Christmas. Having said that, I don't know why you couldn't have just let it go and played along.
 
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