Bathroom Emergency in the Middle of a set?

#22
Last year I was rehearsing in a small studio with a band with a very attractive female singer. There was a very small bathroom that opened right into the room we were rehearsing in.
So we worked on 4 or so songs and "the strong urge" came on. By the middle of the 5th tune I was beginning to sweat and quite uncomfortable. I kept looking at the bathroom door right behind where the singer was standing and thinking "oh, this could be unpleasant...really unpleasant". We finish the 5th song and I start wondering whether there is a bathroom in the Walgreens next door and will I make it.....NOPE! I wipe the sweat from my brow (no joke), put my bass on the stand and saunter across the room and shut the BR door behind me now hoping they will start playing something...anything....just make some freaking noise....PLEASE. I'm thinking of George Costanza in Seinfeld when he explains why a woman broke up with him after "the impending urge" in a studio apartment. No noise.....just talking...I'm on my own.
Obviously this sort of thing has happened before because they had an incense holder and potent Indian incense waiting for me on the toilet tank. So I fired that puppy up as I fired my puppy down.. I wave the incense all around the small BR and 2 minutes later it was all over. The singer made a light hearted colonic joke which I didn't respond to.
All in all, a "productive" rehearsal.
 
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#27
lfmn16 said:
I would have had two words for the guitarist for getting in my face and they aren't Merry Christmas. Having said that, I don't know why you couldn't have just let it go and played along.
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I felt like I did play along by making a joke out of it.

The guitarist / BL had a history of trying to make people look stupid. He was always the hero or the victim. When things went well, he played the hero. When they went bad, he played the victim.

We were a 4 piece, guitar, bass, keys and drums. At one show the guitarist / BL made an obvious mistake and lost his place. After the song he went to the mic, turned toward the band and said "I guess you guys need to practice more". After that gig I told him that when 3 people go in one direction and the 4th goes in another, chances are it's the 4th person who screwed up. The odds of 3 people making the exact same mistake at exactly the same time would be like the odds of hitting the lottery. I also told him that it was unprofessional to call the band out like that while onstage. He didn't want to hear it. The last straw was when he made a racist comment toward our black drummer. At that point, I informed him that I was leaving and the keyboard player and drummer decided to leave as well. I told him we would play all the remaining dates on the calendar and then go our separate ways. He ended up canceling the gigs and told management that we walked out on him. That was more than 15 years ago. The keyboard player and I still play together and do music for several television shows. In the meantime, the guitarist is back playing dive bars.
 
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#29
Rum Ham said:
Just wanted to know if anyone else has had to make a number 2, emergency style, while playing? I know I ain't the only one.
It hit about 2 bars into the second song. I started sweating and squeezing my you bum cheeks tight, praying to make it til the end of the song at least. Didn't happen. Everybody in the club got to see me drop my bass, not set it down, but flop it like a baseball bat after a base hit, and do that run/walk/clench that is totally indicative of a child making stinks.
I mouthed " I gotta poop" to the singer, don't know why, but I felt it was the right thing to do, as if he really needed any verbal confirmation of my current status. And off I went, my bands song playing like a soundtrack to my personal shame as I exited the stage, marched thru the crowd, with those knowing stares and claimed my throne.
Now as I was finished with the act, I had to carefully select my return.Do I go back out and have all eyes on me for my poopy shame? Or do I wait it out and let this be a brown note free performance? Like really, what do I do, I am in the bathroom right now...
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And they claim the Brown Note doesn't exist...
 
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#30
Rum Ham said:
Yes. Well I went back out. The crowd gave me the look. The ol stink eye. You'd figure the church crowd would be a little more forgiving but, well I felt I was judged.
At least the Pastor/Lead singer was agreeable about the whole thing. Asked everybody to pray for my colon. Crappy way to end the weekend.
Lesson learned, stay away from the all you can eat chili at Skyway before a gig, and pack a can of airfreshner like a can of mace, it's bad enough to be a dealt it, those good church folk don't want to be the smelt it again.
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You would think that group of people would be more forgiving...
 
#34
Yep, happened to me a few months back. Luckily it was towards the end of our 1st set.

We were half way through the song when it hit me. Sweating and my stomach just in knots. I felt like i was going to faint as well.

Luckily, i was able to finish the song and i grabbed our singer. He took one look at me soaked with sweat, turned back to the mic and told the crowd we were going to take a quick break.

Took care of business, and finished the gig without any further incidents...;)

Good Luck!
 
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#38
#39
guitarflinger said:
If it happens again/repeatedly, try Lomotil (loperamide). it's an over the counter bowel slower downer, works great (but needs about 20-30 minutes to work.
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Don't know the exact medicine in it, but I've used something like this before rare important things, like a show, an interview, a first date. I have to constantly make adjustments to keep the system running anyway, it won't on its own, so I'll get it moving later. If I can't avoid it, as posted I'd say depends. I don't know how many times I've been between downstate and here, highway runs through BFE, most rest stops are closed in the winter, and the pooping cramps start. I doubt I could play a song well having to deal with that.
 
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