Craigslist ad - Check the requirements

[WardEarth]

The only thing I really have a problem with is that he will probably only want to practice at his spot. And maybe the drugs and uplifting message part. I bet hes the type that thinks hes always right or always wants things his way.

 

[Oddly]

I'm printing out those requirements and keeping them (with some small alteration) to use with any prospective partners that show up to date my kids...

 

[Wulfensteiner]

Damn. I'm not allowed to be a delinquent, bang strangers, shoot heroin, re-up the nazi liberal regime, despise the military or let off fire extinguishers in the face of smokers??

Plus I gotta write and play metalcore?!

Where's the hook here?

 

[ELG60]

Kinda reminds me of a certain Kinky Friedman song, but then that tune is probably way older than the poster of the ad.

Might it involve guzzling Lone Star Beer, perchance?

 

[Michedelic]

Might it involve guzzling Lone Star Beer, perchance?

Yep, ‘that’ song; I wonder what Merle’s reaction to it was.

 

[cchorney]

LOL Yeah what band?

This gives me an idea. I should post a CL add that says: Established band seeks; guitars, drums, keys, horns, percussion, backup vocals to join bassist vocalist in groovin' R&B/Southern Soul Band. Transportation a must. So who lives near me and can pick me up? We will no doubt have many well paying gigs in top local venues. Who has contacts with a few?

I'm very well established or at least I once was so this would be just like the Blues Brothers putting "The Band" back together. Good name brand gear a must, appropriate appearance for the genre, leave your piercings behind. Pay to be split equally but all movie rights are mine. Serious inquiries from serious professionals only. Posers need not apply.....you know who you are.

Add in "We won't be booking any gigs within 500 feet of a school for personal reasons" and "All gigs will need to be within the county or my ankle bracelet will go off".

 

[GoesThump]

YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU LIIIIIIGHT UUUUUUUUUUP MY LIIIIIIIIIIIFE and fill my soul.... with.... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can't stop laughing... thanks!

And trying to imagine an appropriate outfit for Debbie Boone to sing it in makes it even more hysterical...

-GT

 

[73jbass]

Sounds like they don't want any dirtbags. As long as they state it up front, no problem.

 

[mikeyjm2]

To be completely honest, I don't know what "Metalcore" is. I know what the other 3 genres listed are - I think I do anyway. So anyway, I guess I would at least give the CL poster credit for being specific about what he wants.

 

[Bunk McNulty]

No, compared to the CIA, this is to the right of that, including full lifestyle side of the issues. I'm out at tobacco friendly partly because that carries with it a whole set of lies and unrealities.
It would be funny to make a profile of the poster using all the points as aspects of his own insecurities based on his life story. Just when was he made cuckold, by a bassist I assume? (they hate that word applied to them, it's the worst)
However I too am suspicious of people who won't answer extensive background/character questions about themselves.

You'd better be suspicious of me, then. I won't answer extensive background/character questions about myself.

 

[1st Bass]

"To be completely honest, I don't know what "Metalcore" is."

Pretty sure it is a type of arc-welding wire.


Of course I may be looking in the wrong industry...

 

[rjake007]

... and no sleeping with the other wives' dudes either!

 

[StatesideRambler]

His goal is actually to cut down on CL e-mail in his inbox.

 

[Lava]

I live in El Paso. I'm thinking about "auditioning", just for grins. I'll wear my PBS shirt. I really hope it's not another Herbalife recruitment ploy...

 

[Holdsg]

Amway, NuSkin, Tupperware, Primerica, Tahitian Noni, Lularoe, Rodan + Fields, and the beat goes on and on....

 

[interp]

I especially like that the ad includes geographic coordinates so we know which direction to run away.

 

[groooooove]

sounds like a grown man looking for new buddies

also sounds like there may be a reason he needs new buddies.

 

[Sixgunn]

It's a drummer, family guy, likely former active military currently in the National Guard, wanting to start a metal band and write songs like Dio did about outcast teenagers who should "hang in there" because things get better eventually. He isn't a prude but doesn't want anyone in the band who will constantly get drunk and grab his wife's butt. He doesn't want to constantly drive to pick up useless weirdos with no cars or money. Don't kick his dog and don't use foul language around the kids.

Dude's putting together a metal dad band.

No mystery at all. It may not be your cup of tea. But he's trying to put a band together that fits his lifestyle.

I'm about to build a hangout in my back yard. Other than pool house, entertainment mecca and cookout logistics center, it will be a jam room. Remove the metal music part and much of his list will be the requirements for coming to jam at my house.

Drink a few beers? Cool.

Need to smoke up? Take it to the woods out back. I'm not here to judge, but I'm not failing my drug test over your second hand smoke.

My yard belongs to the cat. Treat it as such.

My girls (wife included) are my life. Offend them in any way and we'll have problems.... problems that will escalate quickly.

Got a hard right or hard left political agenda that you simply can NOT shut up about? Stay out of my jam room.

The only problem I see is that he's trying to filter out too much with the ad. These are nuances that should be discussed after we even decide if the music is something you're into.

Very, very well put. I can't fault the guy.

 

[Sixgunn]

The bit about making friends and outside activities would be a deal breaker for me.

He's probably younger than a lot of us here. If I was in my 20s, I'd be down. My early bandmates were my best friends.

 

[callofcthulhu]

I fully realize this is page 3 of yet another “old farts making fun of metal bands” talkbass thread, so I have no delusions that this post will be read or responded to in any serious way. Just felt obliged to say:

- In this genre some people would consider 2 guitars mandatory, so all the jokes about this “band” actually just being a “drummer” are off base, they probably have guitar and drums. One or both of them may also sing, and given the “uplifting message” part, probably also writes lyrics, but again, having a front man stomp around stage and put on a show is often considered mandatory for the genre.
- The jokes about “uplifting message” are also way off base, probably half of all metalcore bands are Christian metalcore.
- All of his requirements seem pretty reasonable and on point to me, and somehow I feel like if they had been listed at the bottom of an ad for “dad’s playin dad rock covers twice a month at Spancky’s Watering Hole” this thread wouldn’t have been started, or would have seen a very different trend of responses.

Full disclosure: I shaging hate metalcore.