Goofy, funny, crazy stories of a mis-spent youth...

[Joe Nerve]

My best stories I of course can't tell on a public forum. But since we're talking about drinking and driving... I'll tell the story of a friend. No really! I witnessed it.

You have to remember qualudes though in order to appreciate the story.

Me and another friend were sitting on a car on the corner of the club every rocker in Bklyn went to on weekends. Lamour. It was the end of the night, and I don't remember why we were even sitting there... anyhow, my friend comes driving down the street at about 5 miles an hour. Another guy starts turning the corner at about 5 miles an hour, there's plenty of time to get out of each others way, but they ram into each other head on. They both get out of the car and my friend stumbles towards the unknown guy. He says ala Jeff Spicoli, "Duuuude! I'm so sorry, I'm like totally luded out!" The other guy looks at him dumbfounded, then starts cracking up and says, "Duuuude, me too!"

I was so glad I got to witness that. Was a scene straight out of a movie. They bother were able to drive away with only minor damage.

 

[Grumry]

I keep trying to type something out, but every story I start isn't suitable for this particular site.

How about that time we took some shrooms and swam in my parents pool for 8 hours thinking I was a fish? My mom knew we were tripping out so she dressed up like a clown with all kinds of crazy makeup and a carrot top wig and wondered around the tree line staring at us for what seemed like hours.

 

[PWRL]

I keep trying to type something out, but every story I start isn't suitable for this particular site.

How about that time we took some shrooms and swam in my parents pool for 8 hours thinking I was a fish? My mom knew we were tripping out so she dressed up like a clown with all kinds of crazy makeup and a carrot top wig and wondered around the tree line staring at us for what seemed like hours.

Your mom sounds awesome. That is fantastic.

 

[Grumry]

Your mom sounds awesome. That is fantastic.

I do in fact have an awesome mom!

 

[two fingers]

A buddy and I loved to fish as kids. There was a sweet spot to fish that was both hard to get to and dangerous getting there.

It was called "the potholes". My town had a new hydroelectric dam right beside an old one no longer in use. When they shut the old dam for good it created dozens of small ponds where fish lived and grew to enormous sizes due to lack of many predators.

To get there you had to cross two cables that ran over the river.....in rapids.....moving quickly....with many sharp rocks.

When standing on one cable the other was about shoulder high. So we would walk on one and hold the other for balance.

Little did we know that the dam would open more and close more to generate more electricity and maintain water levels on the other side. When they opened the dam more, more water rushed through quickly. The bottom cable had lots of guages that would send data back to a control tower. Those were mounted on floating "pallets". When the water level began to rise, so did the bottom cable.

So, suddenly, there I was with one cable under my feet, and the other about halfway up to my knees.... and water rushing around my legs. It was all I could do to maintain balance and not fall into the rapids. I would have surely been smashed against the rocks multiple times and probably drowned in the rushing current. Eventually, I made my way across. I slipped a couple times and held on for dear life. I lost my fishing gear. When I got to the other side, I was utterly exhausted. Lying on the cliff, I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Yeah, it was a cottonmouth snake....about eight or ten feet from me....coiled up ready to go. When I could talk myself into moving I jumped and ran. It actually chased me briefly.

My nerves were shot. I sat at the edge if the cliff until they shut down the dam a little...probably an hour or so.... and then crossed and walked home.

Depressed, unnerved and angry at myself, I told my dad what happened. He could hardly get himself together laughing at me while making me a PBJ.

The reason it was so funny is that almost the exact story word for word had happened to him about 20 years prior. His snake was a copperhead. He had lost his grandfather's favorite fishing rod.

Best dam sandwich I ever had.










(The story is true. The pun at the end just came to me after typing it.)

 

[Son of Wobble]

I went to a high school reunion 5 years ago & almost every story my old friends remembered about me was something decadent or taboo, so I can't mention them here
a lot of that stuff I'd forgotten about, as it was just another day in my life to me, LOL!

A bad reputation is so much easier.to maintain than a good one that the choice is a no-brainer.

 

[catcauphonic]

Oh man. I'm going to hell for this one, but in high school we used to go waterballooning people at night. One of my circle of friends may have had a four door car where the rear windows rolled completely down (no child secure whatever) and a sunroof for 360 degree ballooning. It was ideal. It didn't look like the make of the car. It could barely be identified by anyone complaining.

Anyway, four of us would roll out and hit people in crosswalks in downtown areas and other terrible things. At the time it was funny, but I feel a little bad about it to be honest. I feel worse about the balloons that, prior to filling with water, had a water purification iodine tablet put inside it, so that when a target was hit, it smelled like iodine and stained bright yellow. That was just mean.

We did all kinds of stupid crap with cars, especially in developing track housing. Entire neighborhoods just empty at night? Uh... races? 4x4 action? Bad ideas? Lots!

Reminds me of how we used to hide roadside during snowstorms and bomb cars, trucks, and busses with hard packed snowballs One time at a friend's house down the alley we buried 3 tires across it to look like a small snow drift, so that when my friends dad came home, he gave it a little extra juice to plow thru it and get into his driveway when he mounted those tires and got out and saw them, he had the biggest freakout I've ever witnesses until that point ... he chased me all the way down the alley to my grandparents house and told them what we did. I don't think we were allowed to see each other for a week!

 

[ShredderMaximus]

My best stories I of course can't tell on a public forum. But since we're talking about drinking and driving... I'll tell the story of a friend. No really! I witnessed it.

You have to remember qualudes though in order to appreciate the story.

Me and another friend were sitting on a car on the corner of the club every rocker in Bklyn went to on weekends. Lamour. It was the end of the night, and I don't remember why we were even sitting there... anyhow, my friend comes driving down the street at about 5 miles an hour. Another guy starts turning the corner at about 5 miles an hour, there's plenty of time to get out of each others way, but they ram into each other head on. They both get out of the car and my friend stumbles towards the unknown guy. He says ala Jeff Spicoli, "Duuuude! I'm so sorry, I'm like totally luded out!" The other guy looks at him dumbfounded, then starts cracking up and says, "Duuuude, me too!"

I was so glad I got to witness that. Was a scene straight out of a movie. They bother were able to drive away with only minor damage.

The only thing that could have made this story any better is if he had then took off one of his Vans slip-ons, beat himself in the head with it, and then exclaimed "you hear that? That's my skull! I'm so wasted!"

Thanks for the laugh!

 

[two fingers]

I keep trying to type something out, but every story I start isn't suitable for this particular site.

How about that time we took some shrooms and swam in my parents pool for 8 hours thinking I was a fish? My mom knew we were tripping out so she dressed up like a clown with all kinds of crazy makeup and a carrot top wig and wondered around the tree line staring at us for what seemed like hours.

A guy who lived down the dorm hall from my brother did acid pretty heavy. (We're talking 1988 here.) I played tennis at the time. After my brother snuck me on to the really nice tennis court at his school we came back to his room. Guy down the hall was tripping hard. We went down to check on him. He was talking to the four heads on a The Cure (band) black light poster.

I told my brother to distract him. I went and grabbed my duffle bag full of fluorescent colored tennis balls (green, yellow, pink, blue, etc.....the colored tennis balls were popular at the time). I snuck up on the top bunk. Then I began pelting that guy with tennis balls. The black light made those things look like meteors! He thought the sky was falling! He screamed and everyone on the hall came to watch. Next thing you know 25 or 30 people were gathered outside his room laughing their heads off.

After that fun this big jock says to me "Hey kid. You're alright. You and your brother come hang with us tonight."

They had a party at a friend's house. They got me hammered all to hell. I hurt for days. I puked bright yellow toxic waist all the next day.

Good times....

 

[PWRL]

My friend and I used to crawl through drainpipes as kids. That wasn't wise.

I also remember climbing to the top of these two twin/conjoined stone silos on an abandoned farm when I was a kid. The rungs were all rusty and the mortar holding them into the wall was really crumbly. Worse yet, it was inside, where nobody would have found my shattered body at the bottom of the shaft until it was way too late.

I grew up on a lake where there were/are lots of tour boats which go around and around the lake. They're pretty large vessels, roughly max seating capacity of 160 people, so maybe eighty feet long, I'd say. One delivered the mail, and would therefore pass very close to the pier. A college kid would jump off, put the mail in a box and jump back on the moving vessel. Well, we kids thought it was the greatest thing to jump in the water RIGHT behind the ship so the prop wash would toss us around in the water.

Then this is from the don't-do-what-I-did category, so kids, don't try this at home or ever. Drugs are bad, stay in school.
When I was eighteen, I had a couple friends come visit me, who happened to bring along some psychedelics. There were enough mushrooms for two grams apiece. Then we each had one hit of acid. However, it was just after we took it all that the guy who brought it nonchalantly informed us that the "single" hit of acid was actually triple-dipped:

 

[kesslari]

OK, one more. @two fingers you reminded me of this - BTW your dam story totally made my morning.
I emancipated myself at 16 (graduated HS and moved out on my own) so of course my friends would come visit. I had a tiny studio apartment off Rittenhouse Square in Philly. My girlfriend had persuaded me (not that I needed much persuasion) to adopt 3 kittens, who were all about 2 mos old at the time of this story.
And I had a friend we called Bear. Every school had one - really big guy, fully bearded at 15, etc. Not a guy you messed with.
Acid was dropped. Tripping was happening. We got hungry, went down to the local 7-11 (just downstairs in this highrise) to get some food. Bear was not yet very hallucinogen-wise. He bought bologna. I tried telling him bologna would be weird to eat while tripping, but he wanted bologna. I didn't know just how weird it would be...

Bear sat on the couch trying to eat his bologna. The kittens, sensing weakness and food, started trying to steal his bologna. As Bear got weirder, the kittens got bolder. Kittens leaping off furniture onto Bear trying to steal his bologna. It was all flying kittens and bologna, and I was cracking up. Poor Bear, though, was freaked out and wound up throwing his bologna up in the air and locking himself in the bathroom.

Score:
kittens 3
Bear 0

 

[jchrisk1]

I thought if one I can tell that's PG enough.

When I was 13, two of my friends and myself thought it would be a great idea to take his dad's van out joyriding while he was on a fishing trip on the great lakes. And we thought we should take a pint of his wild turkey with us as well. We didn't get drunk, though, as none of us could stand to drink it.
So, we gather our supplies, sneak the keys, and get to the van. This is about 1am. We can barely get it started. It took us a bit, but we succeeded and took off. With nowhere to go. We had no plan.
So, what do you do? Well, we decided we should go to 7-11 and play video games. As we approached the turn into the 7-11 we noticed about 10 cop cars across the street. This caused us to miss our turn and have to drive down the street, do a u-turn, and drive back by them to turn into the store. We were having a great time. Playing video games, drinking slurpees. Reported stolen van outside. After a while the cops came in and snatched us up and took us all home. As an adult, I now realize the cops spotted us right away and let us have our fun before picking us up.
It turned out that the girl across the street, from my friend with the van, was up sick that night and witnessed the van being stolen. She called his mom and she reported it, not knowing it was us at the time. Not that it would've mattered. The cops took us to his house first to apologize to her before taking us home. Our parents were not thrilled about being woken up at 3am by the police. We all ended up grounded for the entire summer, not to mention the initial ass whippings.

 

[tangentmusic]

In '76 I was in a band and a junior in high school.
My Native American friend a year older than me had an uncle who was responsible for bringing in tons of marijuana from Mexico into Arizona in those days.

Once we helped him out by transferring a large van load from one stash house to another.
He gave us ten kilos of weed to do whatever we wanted with.
Our plan? Sell it, of course..

We drove by cover of night from Yuma to Anaheim to my brother in laws apartment arriving at dawn hoping he could help us sell it.
Unbeknownst to us, the cops were already at the complex on a burglary call, and saw two long haired suspicious kids hauling a suitcase into one of the units.
Thinking we were the burglars, they kicked in the door with guns drawn and found the bricks.

My bro in law, best friend and I were taken to jail.
Me, being youngest, got the brunt of the interrogation. Handcuffed hands and ankles to a chair, I insisted we were going to throw a huge party with the weed and that the pot was not for sale.

They let us go on a technicality: Illegal search and seizure. (they kept the pot of course)
For the next 3 weeks we felt we were being followed. Anytime we saw a cop car or helicopter we got paranoid.

I never did anything like that again.

My friend's uncle was eventually caught and spent 20 years in prison.

 

[ShredderMaximus]

In '76 I was in a band and a junior in high school.
My Native American friend a year older than me had an uncle who was responsible for bringing in tons of marijuana from Mexico into Arizona in those days.

Once we helped him out by transferring a large van load from one stash house to another.
He gave us ten kilos of weed to do whatever we wanted with.
Our plan? Sell it, of course..

We drove by cover of night from Yuma to Anaheim to my brother in laws apartment arriving at dawn hoping he could help us sell it.
Unbeknownst to us, the cops were already at the complex on a burglary call, and saw two long haired suspicious kids hauling a suitcase into one of the units.
Thinking we were the burglars, they kicked in the door with guns drawn and found the bricks.

My bro in law, best friend and I were taken to jail.
Me, being youngest, got the brunt of the interrogation. Handcuffed hands and ankles to a chair, I insisted we were going to throw a huge party with the weed and that the pot was not for sale.

They let us go on a technicality: Illegal search and seizure. (they kept the pot of course)
For the next 3 weeks we felt we were being followed. Anytime we saw a cop car or helicopter we got paranoid.

I never did anything like that again.

My friend's uncle was eventually caught and spent 20 years in prison.

I think you just won the thread.

 

[ShredderMaximus]

Depressed, unnerved and angry at myself, I told my dad what happened. He could hardly get himself together laughing at me while making me a PBJ.

The reason it was so funny is that almost the exact story word for word had happened to him about 20 years prior. His snake was a copperhead. He had lost his grandfather's favorite fishing rod.

Best dam sandwich I ever had.










(The story is true. The pun at the end just came to me after typing it.)

Not nearly as epic, but one morning after partying all night my dad stopped me when he noticed a small fresh circular burn on my arm. I went ahead and told him what had happened, I'd been partying and decided I wanted to look like a tough guy and put a cigarette out on my arm trying to impress people. I expected him to be pissed off, but to my shock he laughed and stuck his arm out and showed me a scar on his same arm in the exact same spot and told that he had done the same thing at the same age. It's kind of weird thing to bond over, but it sticks out in my mind as a good memory.

 

[Datsgor]

I drove my '67 Cutlass Supreme into someone's home. It was an Eichler Home so when I hit the wall it just collapsed into the living area and I drove up onto it like a ramp. As I was looking at all the books scattered about the living room, some guy comes out of the bedroom down the hallway and screams at me "you're drunk"....and then there were a lot of police about. They asked me a bunch of questions and then sent me home with my parents. Let me tell ya, that was youth misspent. I tried to repair the Olds, but the frame ended up being bent. It's also a good candidate for the 120mph thread as I believe I was close to that when I started putting on the brakes, but I can't be sure.

 

[rodl2005]

Ok..... my mate and I...about 18 y.o. this is about C.1982 say...
We both partook in HALF a hallucinogenic thingy. .. and sat around in a club we were very familiar with which opened from 10pm - 7am.
We got there b4 things got really wild. ..but after a while. ...watching all sorts of colors and sounds coming outta the all night video/tv they had running. A few drinks..not many. .didn't need em. .. and a cuppla small meals were somehow ordered and devoured
Anyway. ..after what seemed like 20mins...we noticed the windows were light. ..it had become very early daylight.
Things had worn off quite a bit by then. ......
So. .we hopped in my friend's late 60's and quite beat up Holden (an Aus GM model) that only had the drivers bucket seat left in the front. ... so I was in the rear passenger side seat.
We drove all of 1km to the wharf area and saw a large cruise ship coming in. ..a fair way out still tho. We parked in a line of parked cars and settled in to watch the show.
After a while. . A brass band turned up and got ready for the tourists to arrive etc. ..
We noticed a few ppl chatting and pointing at us. .but in our blasé state...didn't think much of it. .
Tourists arrive ...walk off ship. ..some look at us and laugh. ..etc
More ppl talk and point at us. ..and after a while I got the guts up to go chat friendly like and ask what was so funny. .. I already knew this car was a bit of a sight. ..but not THAT much.
He pointed at the car line that we'd been parked in for the last 45 mins...heck maybe 2 hours. ..I dunno. .. and said
"Your bl@@dy car has had more hits than the Beatles" & to my horror AND hilarity. .. noticed we'd parked in the middle of a CLASSIC CAR SHOW line. .. EVERY other car was a 40s,50s,60s etc show piece.
I walked back hiding my laughter as best I could. ..told my mate. . We nearly died laughing for 5 mins. ..and sheepishly drove outta there to the safety of our house. .. again only 1 km or 2 away.
I'm older and somewhat wiser today. A little. I hope.
BTW.... I'm NOT condoning this sorta behavior. We are lucky to be alive. .. (we probly drove at 5km/h but still. .. nup...not today)

 

[drummer5359]

My older brother and I had a band (Martyr) that was pretty busy in the rock clubs in the area. One of our favorite places to play was "The Rock Casino" on 441 in Hollywood, just south of Stirling road. We played there about once per month, sometimes on a Friday, other times on a Saturday.

This particular night was a Friday, after our first set the owner (Sonny?) approached us, the Saturday night band had just canceled. Would we be able to play tomorrow night as well? We were available, sure! At the end of the night I packed my cymbals, bass drum pedal and snare drum, my brother and the singer/bassist pack their guitars, basses and pedals and we left everything else set up. An early night, woo-hoo!

The owner liked us anyway, but really appreciated us filling in on such short notice. We ended up sitting at the bar with him, drinking, telling stories, laughing, and drinking some more until long after the bar had closed.

We all somehow stumbled out of the bar and got into our cars. Honestly, none of us should have been behind the wheel and I to this day don't know how they made it. (My brother has no memory of that night at all.) I climbed into my ten year old Buick Skylark wagon and pulled out of the parking lot, making the left to head home to north Miami Beach, where I was living. As soon as I pulled onto 441, a four lane divided highway with businesses on both sides, I knew that I could not drive. So, I pulled over, shut off the car, turned off the lights and laid down across the front seat to sleep it off.

A little while later I was awoken to a tap on the window and a flashlight in my face. A local police officer was at the window. I sat up and rolled down the window. "Son, have you been drinking?" "Yes sir." I proceeded to explain that I played that night at "The Rock Casino" and was going to again tomorrow night. I explained how appreciative the bar owner had been and that I had taken him up on his offer for a few drinks. I told the officer that I realized that I was in no condition to drive and pulled over to sleep it off. (I Had literally driven maybe ten feet on the highway before I pulled over.) I was still in front of the bar, only across the street from it. I was exceptionally polite. Keep in mind that this was before MADD and the attitude towards public drinking was very different.

The officer looked at my license and registration as he listened to my story. Then he said, "Can you make it into that parking lot over there?" "Yes sir, no problem." He told me that his shift ended at 8:00, if my car had moved before his shift was over he was coming to my house to arrest me. Lastly, he said this... "Son, I appreciate that you had the presence of mind to pull over and sleep it off. But, the next time don't park in the slow lane."

 

[Roy Royerson]

Many moons ago when I was about 15 or so some friends and I decided it would be a good idea to eat way to many mushrooms and go see a movie. Allegedly. I can't even remember what movie. Most of us had some expieriance but one of our good friends, we'll call him Mark, was going for his first trip. I remember people telling us to shut up a couple times as we were annoying the whole theater with our strange ramblings and hysterical laughter.

Then near the end of the movie one friend said, "hey, Mark has been gone for a while. Let's go find him". We all get up and go looking for him just before the conclusion but we didn't care. After searching for a bit a few friends got worried. "He could be stuck out in the cold" one said looking out the lobby doors. One friend was asking the police to help us find our missing friend. God what fools we were. So I just start looking in theaters and after a couple I see "Mark". There's just a big popcorn on the screen, nobody in the theater and Mark is pacing one of the back isles if the empty theater. I told him it was time to go and he came over and asked for a hug. As we embraced I realized he had wet his pants and kind of gently moved him away from me. I started laughing and he did as well. He told me it felt so good he was thinking about having a bowel movement in his pants. I told him to wait on that and tied his jacket around his pants and told him to hold his backpack in front of his soaked pants. I didn't want to see those police from before with my soiled pal and have them see what kind of shape he was in.

We get to the lobby and the friend who asked the police to help has now called Mark's house from the theatres pay phone and asked his parents if he's come home. This is before all the cell phones of today. That fool had us in a pickle now. They said "no he's supposed to be with you boys" and rightfully get worried. I should say Mark's parents are really good people and despite being knuckleheads we all did respect and like them. So we get to our cars fast, leave the theater (DUI seems to be a theme) and go to my friends house whose folks would just leave us alone in their basement. We get our friend Mark some dry clothes and try to relax. Mark says he has to call his parents cause they are worried. He calls them and tells them he took mushrooms but everything is ok. He says that everything is beautiful and he just loves them so much. His parents come and pick him up and take him home and we continue our long strange trip of a night.

For years when I would see Mark's folks they would always give me a hard time about it. All in good fun, they would always tell us to make sure not to go eat mushrooms. Most of the time we would take that advice.