Just wondering...

O

One_Dude

Mar 23, 2005
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#1
I'll try to condense a long story into a shorter form. I joined a long standing successful band almost six years ago. We had steady gigs and got lots of compliments from both audience members and venue decision makers. With several gigs scheduled, and with no notice, the BL announced via email that he was dissolving the band immediately and canceling all remaining gigs.

That was eight months ago and I've had no contact with the BL since then. He kicked all band members to the curb with the explanation that he wasn't having fun anymore. Four of us were really pissed and decided to go on together with a new band name playing mostly the same venues. We added new material while keeping some of the old, and rehearsed for three months and have now been gigging about twice a month for the last two or three months. Our band members bought a new, expensive sound system, and some additional gear that we needed. Venue decision makers are happy with what they hear from us and want to immediately schedule us for future dates.

Fast forward to today; our former BL has started to make contact with band members just being friendly. He is aware of the success of our current band, and I'm wondering if he wants back in. This may not be his intent, but at this point we don't know. Are we as good without his really strong vocals; the answer is no. At the same time, we don't want a repeat of what he did eight months ago.

So we don't know his intent, but if he wants to join our current band, there can never be the same level of trust that we previously had with him.

Has anyone here experienced a similar situation?

Thump on,

One_Dude
 
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#4
One_Dude said:
Has anyone here experienced a similar situation?
Click to expand...
yes! a couple of times --- pretty close to what you're describing:
1. we let the cat back into the group, but limited his 'exposure' --- he was just a "sideman" like everyone else.
2. we didn't allow her back into the group: you're gone, good riddance, good luck!

as you describe the situation in the OP, i'm thinking either one of the scenarios might work --- only you cats know what might be best for yourselves --- but you're right: avoiding a repeat is the name of the game. but congrats on your recent successes, and good luck! :thumbsup:
 
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#5
If he wants back in as a BL, that's a no-go in my opinion. Decision-making rights were forfeit when he previously bailed. I would make that crystal clear, and if he still wants in as a non-decision-making member, have him.

My guess is that he won't accept this arrangement, but I do appreciate there can be a lot more to the story that I don't know. Good luck with however you choose to move forward. :)
 
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#9
One_Dude said:
I'll try to condense a long story into a shorter form. I joined a long standing successful band almost six years ago. We had steady gigs and got lots of compliments from both audience members and venue decision makers. With several gigs scheduled, and with no notice, the BL announced via email that he was dissolving the band immediately and canceling all remaining gigs.

That was eight months ago and I've had no contact with the BL since then. He kicked all band members to the curb with the explanation that he wasn't having fun anymore. Four of us were really pissed and decided to go on together with a new band name playing mostly the same venues. We added new material while keeping some of the old, and rehearsed for three months and have now been gigging about twice a month for the last two or three months. Our band members bought a new, expensive sound system, and some additional gear that we needed. Venue decision makers are happy with what they hear from us and want to immediately schedule us for future dates.

Fast forward to today; our former BL has started to make contact with band members just being friendly. He is aware of the success of our current band, and I'm wondering if he wants back in. This may not be his intent, but at this point we don't know. Are we as good without his really strong vocals; the answer is no. At the same time, we don't want a repeat of what he did eight months ago.

So we don't know his intent, but if he wants to join our current band, there can never be the same level of trust that we previously had with him.

Has anyone here experienced a similar situation?

Thump on,

One_Dude
Click to expand...
You can be friendly with him. I've had several situation where being in a band with someone went sour for one reason or another. Most of the time i stay friendly with them, but just won't be in a band with them again. If the only thing that soured our relationship was making music together, i kept the relationship amicable and just didn't do music with them. (Except for a few really "special" people who i refuse to talk to because their terribleness went way beyond our musical falling out.)

You don't owe him a spot in your new band, even if you're all friendly with each other.

You say your band would be better with his strong vocals. Your band would also be better with anyone else's strong vocals. You can find another strong singer without him, even if you're in a smaller music market/scene. There's more amazing musicians around than most people realize. It's just a matter of finding them.

If he's not angling for a spot in your band, being friendly with him costs you nothing and you have a bigger network for music people and friends.

If he is angling to be in your band, you can still be friendly, and hopefully he can be friendly too when you don't let him in the band. If he stops being friendly after you don't let him back in the band, then you don't have to worry about hurting his feelings because he was only being friendly to get something from you.
 
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#13
Meh, just play it by ear and see how things go. I'm not sure about your market but where I am, the difficult members to find are a good drummer and good bass players. Guitarists, singers and keys seem to be everywhere here. A strong vocalist who is also a charismatic performer is not always easy to find, but strong vocalists are usually around IME. :)
 
#14
never trust him again
be friendly
maybe he can come into the band, but not as BL
Come to think a little longer, he can't be in the band. Someone in the band still has a little bit of animosity towards him, and someday their would be blow up.

never would he be my BL again

Something major happened in his life that caused the shutdown. I would feel for him.

Once bitten, twice shy and all that
 
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#15
A kinda related story.

In about 1973, a truly wonderful guy who most people loved and and admired shut down his small business in an abrupt manner.

When I came to work, he looked me square in the eyes and said something to the affect of " when we throw the lock tonight we're done. Tell the customers this is our last day. I'll explain more later". I had never seen someone in that much pain before.

Some of our customers cried, many hugged him.

Within a few days he squared up with all but one vendor. That took about a month, as the contract stipulated he bonuses all employees as much as he possibly could.

Three months later, he opened at a new location. Some returning customers, a couple of employees came back. This guy could've beeny BL anytime.
 
#16
Depends on a lot of things, but in broad strokes, no way he'd be in charge of anything if I did bless his return. It's possible he had a very personal reason (serious illness, jail time, etc) for needing to do the emergency fold. Even with that in mind, there could have been some sort of general disclosure about his reasons.

If I learned that he ended the successful business because of another band or because of flakiness, sorry Charlie, no chance you're back with us - very real chance he'll just bolt again sometime and it's very hard to keep a band rolling with that kind of disruption.

Sounds like you've successfully moved on - I'd be inclined to stay moved on.
 
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#17
So Anyway, I'd be done with him too. You've spent time and treasure to move on and seem to be doing well enough without him.

But I'd be friendly about it and make sure everyone in the band was on the same page. If he's reaching out to members in your band, it would be a good idea for one person to speak to him for the group.

Perhaps his real reason was too personal or embarrassing for him to discuss. But cancelling the gigs for a working band is a pretty poor move for a BL. It's also my experience that once you're a BL, it's hard to not be the BL. As the lead vocalist, he'll be the focal point of your group with the audience and with the venue owners.

Good Luck with your decision.
 
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#18
The professional way for him to leave would have been to say "Guys, I'm not having fun anymore and will leave the band after [date several weeks out]. If you guys will continue the band let me know who to give the logo/banner/promo materials to. Good luck to y'all."

But he did not do that because he is not professional and only cared about himself. That's a major red flag for me. I might give him a 2nd chance, but would never trust him as BL. At most he could join as an equal voter in a majority rules situation, and that needs to be made clear up front. I would also make clear that if he decides to leave he is expected to give notice and to give the rest of the band a chance to carry on.
 
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#20
He's not an asset. He's a liability. Trust is gained in drops but lost by the bucketful. Having a good voice isn't the same as being a good singer. Being a good singer does not equate to being a good band member. As a booking agent once told me - the best bands aren't usually made up of a bunch of divas, but guys who are willing to work together and create a good finished product. I have worked with people like your ex-singer. They're not worth it, IMO.

BBB
 
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