Staying off the Booze

[bigboy_78]

I’m not a big drinker, I’ll have a few at a party or a night out, but I can go without for weeks/months at a time. However, I’m also not comfortable in social situations.

I’ve found that I need to have 3-4 beers each gig. One after setting up, and one in each break to settle me into socializing. I can perform all night without a drink, there’s no stage fright. There’s only off-stage fright. I like to be a little bit “lubricated” because otherwise I’m very shy, with a couple of beers I can at least shake hands and make polite small-talk with people who come out to see us.

It wasn’t a problem when we gigged once a month, but now it is 2-3 times a week and I’m worried its effecting my general wellbeing.

I know there’s a lot of non-drinkers and recovering drinker on these boards, so what’s the tip for being social without booze? Especially when 100% of your gigs are in "drinking establishments"

 

[gidbass]

I’m not a big drinker, I’ll have a few at a party or a night out, but I can go without for weeks/months at a time. However, I’m also not comfortable in social situations.

I’ve found that I need to have 3-4 beers each gig. One after setting up, and one in each break to settle me into socializing. I can perform all night without a drink, there’s no stage fright. There’s only off-stage fright. I like to be a little bit “lubricated” because otherwise I’m very shy, with a couple of beers I can at least shake hands and make polite small-talk with people who come out to see us.

It wasn’t a problem when we gigged once a month, but now it is 2-3 times a week and I’m worried its effecting my general wellbeing.

I know there’s a lot of non-drinkers and recovering drinker on these boards, so what’s the tip for being social without booze? Especially when 100% of your gigs are in "drinking establishments"

For me, I just usually have some water while others are drinking, it took a bit for me to get comfortable and confident with it but now (4+ years later) I don't even miss alcohol.

I don't refuse band shots/drinks from the audience, but I do just give them to someone else, like a guest or band member. If someone asks me (no one has) I just say I don't drink.

One trick a friend of mine use to do, was to have tonic water with a twist of lemon, and when folks asked him what he was drinking he would just reply with a vodka tonic.

Good luck!

 

[Leigh Semmens]

I understand your concern. Maybe try a few gigs without any alcohol and see how you go. If you can socialise after a couple of drinks, the alcohol is really having little effect on you anyway. Of course, if it becomes more than a couple, then, of course, it is a problem. Good on you for reaching out.

 

[Jogobass]

Got to realize what alcohol does to you.. 2-3 times a week a few beers is borderline alcoholism. and I speak from experience. You're poisoning your body slowly but surely. The effects will show in time. It's better to smoke a bit of the green goods if you need a regular buzz. It's much less taxing on your body. Alcohol is a hard drug, and it's socially accepted which is weird.

 

[evil dewars]

Non Alcoholic brews.

Athletic Brewing Company makes amazing N/As and a lot of bars carry them now: Non Alcoholic Beer & Sparkling Hop Water | Athletic Brewing Co.

@gidbass (love that name) Dear Lord, please don't take drinks from strangers.

 

[gidbass]

Non Alcoholic brews.

Athletic Brewing Company makes amazing N/As and a lot of bars carry them now: Non Alcoholic Beer & Sparkling Hop Water | Athletic Brewing Co.

@gidbass (love that name) Dear Lord, please don't take drinks from strangers.

Ha! I would never accept from someone I didn't know.

They were always brought by a member of the bar staff, but paid for by the audience...

Solid advice for anyone wondering though...

 

[57pbass]

I am not an authority on this topic but if you’re gigging steady and having multiple drinks at each gig you might think about DWI or a wreck and how it can muck things up for you.

 

[5StringBlues]

Alcohol is no bueno

 

[bigboy_78]

...2-3 times a week a few beers is borderline alcoholism....

Yeah, that was in my mind as well. I'm at the point where I feel like I can’t gig (or socialize generally) without a beer….do I enjoy the gig or do I just need an excuse for the drinking?

Plus a beer is around $10 these days, add in a burger for $25 and I’m up to $65 without including fuel…..not long before the gig costs me more than I get paid.

 

[KenD]

A few thoughts respectfully offered from someone who has been off the stuff for 9 years, after a long, losing battle with it.

- if you think you might have a problem with alcohol, you probably do.
- cutting back or limiting only works, if at all, in the short term in my experience and in observing others.
- by recognizing and raising the issue, you have taken a huge, positive step for your own wellbeing.
- if your character makeup is such that you have a propensity to addiction, 3 or 4 beers a few nights per week could be the first step on a slippery, unforgiving slope.
- ultimately, IMO the way to get out in front of this and avoid continuing along the path you're on is to identify the source of your social anxiety and defang it. Easy for me to say from my vantage point but not so easy for you to do. If you can afford it or have a benefit plan, a good counsellor would be extremely helpful in guiding you through that process. That's what finally got me out of the swamp after years of trying.
- Some 12 Steppers will tell you that all you need is the Big Book and lots of meetings. I respectfully disagree (as does AA head office).

Whatever you do, don't stop working on it; it won't resolve on its own. I'm open to more conversation if you want to PM me.

All the best.

 

[red_rhino]

I do not drink when I play (rehearsal or gig). The reality is that most people do not play as well as they think they do when they drink/drug. Plus, if you're singing at all, alcohol can really mess with that as well.

Athletic Brewing Company makes amazing N/As and a lot of bars carry them now: Non Alcoholic Beer & Sparkling Hop Water | Athletic Brewing Co.

This ^^^^^. You will almost swear that you're having a real IPA, to the point of having a placebo effect. There are a lot of great NA beers available now.

 

[bobba66]

I come from a long line of drunks and it would not surprise anyone if I drank myself to death. Still, Mom made it to 84 and drank every chance she got. I've had some long periods of sobriety and will make a few more attempts at it. Liver disease is a horrible way to go and I have a history of it. So, drink in moderation if you can, not at all if you can't.

 

[jerry]

The first 20 years of my career I was never sober, since then I've done thousands of gig sober, it can be done. If you're married and you can turn down the opposite sex, you can turn down a drink.

 

[Wasnex]

so what’s the tip for being social without booze?

I can empathize. I have partially read a couple of books on becoming a better socializer. I thought the books were pretty much a waste of time as the secret is study and practice. In other words, you have to work at it if it doesn't come naturally.

The study part essentially involves researching, developing, and memorizing interesting things to talk about. It's easier if you are actually interested in common conversation topics...which I am not. Also it's easier to practice something you enjoy, and I don't enjoy small talk and general shooting the . However if socializing was something I had to do three or more times a week, I could get better at it.

Just keep in mind, if you are an introvert becoming a successful socializer is likely to be a life-long journey. It's not going to happen over night unless you are actually a closet extrovert....and I have met people whose experience seems to fit that description.

Good luck.

 

[BowserGriff]

It's a slippery slope especially if drinking while gigging becomes a habit. Its difficult to break habits but it can be done. I drank every gig and ended up also drinking after every gig as a way of calming down from the adrenaline. I'm also not social, so it took some of the edge off being around so many people, usually having to talk to people, and hasten the time between breaks.

I was gigging every weekend, then 2-3 times a week and then ended up on the ships so it was every night. I ended up drinking 8 x 500ml cans of beer daily as a routine and then some if it was a good gig! Then I was drinking when I wasn't on the ships. It got impossible to control i just had to stop. So in the end I made the decision to visit the doctor and go cold turkey under medical supervision. I was physically heavily dependant at that point. Its the best decision I ever made. My health, my relationships, I have way more confidence in social situations (IRONY!), and my playing has improved. I'm an infinitely happier man.

There are people who can drink 3-4 every gig and never develop a problem! I'm just not one of those guys. But as someone mentioned above, if you are worried about it then you did the right thing asking for advice and evaluating your relationship with drink.

I would just add if you are gigging in order to drink or party, be careful! If you are gigging for the music, focus on that, try new licks have a soft drink. Its totally OK to be a person who doesn't want to talk to anyone or even just shy or socially awkward. You also don't need alcohol to hang out with friends.

 

[IanStephenson]

I drink regularly, but the one time I NEVER drink is at a gig. I find it one of the easiest places to not drink..

Think of the socialising as an extension of being an extension of being on-stage. On stage you're performing, and when people come up to you between sets they're not looking to make some personal connection to you - they want to speak to the guy that they saw on stage. That's not to say you act like a big-shot rockstar (unless that's part of the act!), but just remember you're not actually socialising, you're there in a professional capacity to represent the band, and play the professional role. You know the job you're there to do, so just do the job. It's FAR easier than real socialising.

Also it really doesn't help my playing, and on lower paying, bar band gigs I resent repaying the bar a significant chunk of my wages!

 

[Shenron]

I’m not a big drinker, I’ll have a few at a party or a night out, but I can go without for weeks/months at a time. However, I’m also not comfortable in social situations.

I’ve found that I need to have 3-4 beers each gig. One after setting up, and one in each break to settle me into socializing. I can perform all night without a drink, there’s no stage fright. There’s only off-stage fright. I like to be a little bit “lubricated” because otherwise I’m very shy, with a couple of beers I can at least shake hands and make polite small-talk with people who come out to see us.

It wasn’t a problem when we gigged once a month, but now it is 2-3 times a week and I’m worried its effecting my general wellbeing.

I know there’s a lot of non-drinkers and recovering drinker on these boards, so what’s the tip for being social without booze? Especially when 100% of your gigs are in "drinking establishments"

If I understand right, the root issue is that (1) you are uncomfortable socializing, but (2) you still want to do it, then (3) you've learned that enough alcohol helps, and the concern is that (4) the frequency of using this method is too high not to hurt your health. So you want to find another method for reducing your discomfort, mainly to change part (3).

As others have said, alcohol-free beer might be a good idea. While it is possible that your discomfort reduction really comes from the alcohol's effects on your brain, there are also recognized patterns of cue -> routine -> reward, which means that there are habits we build to make our lives easier, but such habits can also be controlled by us. In your case it could be that cue = "people approaching, social alert!", routine = "grab some beers", reward = "feel less bad about talking". It can be that the reward now comes more from the routine/habit than the alcohol itself. Something similar happens to a lot of people with drinking coffee, it's not the caffeine anymore that wakes them up but rather the habit, so drinking decaf or even a completely different drink still wakes them up. You can definitely try alcohol-free beer or any other drink, and see if is also your case.

While I don't think you can change (4), you could also look into changing (1) and (2).

I am not experienced enough to suggest how to improve (1) but I know there are methods to generally decrease discomfort and stress in general, not specific to socializing. A couple of them coming to my mind at random...

- breathing and meditation techniques are widely used to generally get more comfortable feelings at anything, both when practiced regularly and when used on the spot when you feel you need them
- third-person analysis, meaning trying to see yourself from the outside as in telling yourself "bigboy_78 is now going to feel uncomfortable, why is that, what is he afraid of, what are his options to better deal with it?" or even asking yourself "what would I do if I were bigboy_78? what should we tell him?", while they may sound silly questions, to some people they give help by changing their perception
- acknowledgement of discomfortable feelings: basically just trying to tell yourself "this is me, and this is my panic for feeling I have to socialize, it's nothing new... I acknowledge the panic, you are part of me, I can see you, I can take some panic"; again it sounds silly but it can alleviate the discomfort

You can even consider changing your perspective on (2). Do you really need to socialize? Do you really want to? Could you do something else instead in those breaks? Could you openly tell others you can't socialize like they expect you to?

 

[Joe Nerve]

It's a very slippery (and dangerous) slope when using alcohol to medicate. In my experience, and I have a lot, it usually doesn't end well.

You might want to think a few years down the line. Would you rather grow past your fears and learn to be comfortable? Or be dependent on alcohol? I promise that ypu CAN grow past those fears - if you want to.

 

[sokolasty]

I like to be a little bit “lubricated” because otherwise I’m very shy, with a couple of beers I can at least shake hands and make polite small-talk with people who come out to see us.

I am an recovering alcoholic

For me it's not worth it. I better don't damage my body to please others. I believe there are better ways to overcome social anxiety if you feel you need to. However, with right people around you don't need to lubricate.
YMMV

 

[hrodbert696]

It sounds to me like @Shenron said, the question isn't alcoholism (though we're trying to avoid habits that lead to it) but social anxiety. I do usually have a beer or at most two over a gig, but not to rely on it for anything.

So, first thought - this might be something to get counseling about. A good therapist can help you develop techniques to manage the anxiety.

Second thought - agreed, alcohol is not the way to manage it.

Third thought - I wonder if it might help to treat the social activity during set breaks as also part of the performance? On gigs, I'm not "Jonathan," the college professor, I'm Jonny C, the rock musician. Jonny C isn't an act or fake, but it's a slightly different aspect of who I am. I'm reminded of the story about Rick Wakeman's stage fright, when someone suggested he wear a cape. He tried it, and was liberated; it turned him into a character he could play.

Fourth thought - It seems like this is just to connect with and acknowledge folks who come out to see the band, which is smart. If you're not hugely comfortable with conversations, I'd say that acknowledgement doesn't have to be elaborate. Hey how are you guys doing? Are you having a good time? So glad you came out! Cool to see you, I gotta take a powder quick...