What do I do about this singer, do I just break the band up?

Dexterzol

Dexterzol

Apr 11, 2019
163
251
4,551
Sweden
#1
UPDATE 2: Turns out it was a big misunderstanding between us three. The guy who added him also didn't like him, so none of us were up for it. So, I, in the company of the band texted the dude we weren't doing it. Just flat out said no. He DID try and cajole me into being some kind of advisor, helping him find another band and whatnot but I said no. All's well that ends well, and I believe this might mean I am BL of sorts, seeing as I chose the songs, and did the firing

UPDATE:
So, this dude has called and texted incessantly. He's also been badgering the guitarist. We've got each other on this, he actively dislikes the guy now. We're telling the drummer it ain't happening (don't think he minds that to be honest), and we're calling the thing off.

The guy is just weird, he scrolled 2 months back in a group chat and grilled me over a comment I made over his poor performance. He backed down when I stood my ground. He's still balling ideas but none of us are having it, we're meeting tomorrow to discuss how to tell him off.

Honestly, after getting grilled on some technically "damning" comments, I feel completely capable in telling this dude "no". We may not have any gigs yet, but we ain't no damn backing band, and he ain't a frontman if I'm gonna be honest.
/end

So me and some ex-bandmates just assembled a three-piece. We are all talented guys I'd say, and we have the diversity of influences and the weirdness needed to make something unique. We basically have the know-how to make our own dream band, but there's one HUGE obstacle.

Ever since the "original band", there has been this... special guy who's had an interest in us. Way back when, during my dark ages as a guitarist I played a sort of "backing band" to this guy. He's a nice enough guy, but he's socially bizarre, and honestly can't carry a tune in a bucket.

I had to leave when he missed half the lyrics and did an off-key rendition of a Johnny Cash song, which even his brother called him out on. Basically, he's been badgering us to be his BACKING BAND (huge insult right there), and now wants in on our three piece.

My friends, not knowing the guy outside of facebook messages gave him the benefit of the doubt, and added him to our group. How do I fix this? I see great potential for us, but honestly, with this guy that potential is gonna be absolute zero.

Hell, even if we even get a show with this guy, he's prone to getting his band kicked off sets because he trash-talks other bands. Hell, he even trashed the drummer in THIS band, because I left his band to join this one.

I feel like this guy is gonna sink this band like a stone, and I wanna know if I, being the only songwriter, should pull the plug now, or try and reason with my bandmates.
 
Last edited:
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#6
lfmn16 said:
Your band added a member without your consent? That would be it for me. It really shows an unacceptable lack of respect.
Click to expand...
He's not a member yet. Honestly can't blame them too, he's a bit intimidating. He's about 6'6/6'7 and has some weird twitching thing going on. Honestly, he picked the shyest, friendliest guy in the group and badgered him for months. Think there's a reason he didn't go asking me or the guitarist
 
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#7
bolophonic said:
What kind of band adds a new lead singer without an audition?
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Well, that's my hope spot I guess. I can't really describe his singing to them without sounding like a horrible person, but if they hear it themselves, maybe their minds will be changed. I just don't wanna be the guy trashing other musicians, which is ironically what he's done multiple times
 
#8
Dexterzol said:
He's not a member yet. Honestly can't blame them too, he's a bit intimidating. He's about 6'6/6'7 and has some weird twitching thing going on. Honestly, he picked the shyest, friendliest guy in the group and badgered him for months. Think there's a reason he didn't go asking me or the guitarist
Click to expand...
Here's your post:
Dexterzol said:
My friends, not knowing the guy outside of facebook messages gave him the benefit of the doubt, and added him to our group. How do I fix this? I see great potential for us, but honestly, with this guy that potential is gonna be absolute zero.
Click to expand...
 
#9
wesonbass said:
So, your friends added him without you getting a vote? I wouldn't waste my time with these guys.
Also, we're you a three piece band looking for a singer?
Good luck
Click to expand...
I don't know, I think we were set on being a three piece at least. The guitarist has a decent singing voice, and I probably could learn a thing or two, provided we tune down for my weird baritone voice
 
#11
What’s to stop this guy badgering you again if you break this up and start something else? Sounds like he’s got some other kinds of connections to your social/musical circles. And it appears he’s got some sort of delusional thing happening.

I’d say show some intestinal fortitude and deal with this head on and end it. If that’s not appetizing, cut bait.

This is just gonna fester if you don’t choose one of these options.
 
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#12
Dexterzol said:
So me and some ex-bandmates just assembled a three-piece. We are all talented guys I'd say, and we have the diversity of influences and the weirdness needed to make something unique. We basically have the know-how to make our own dream band, but there's one HUGE obstacle.

Ever since the "original band", there has been this... special guy who's had an interest in us. Way back when, during my dark ages as a guitarist I played a sort of "backing band" to this guy. He's a nice enough guy, but he's socially bizarre, and honestly can't carry a tune in a bucket.

I had to leave when he missed half the lyrics and did an off-key rendition of a Johnny Cash song, which even his brother called him out on. Basically, he's been badgering us to be his BACKING BAND (huge insult right there), and now wants in on our three piece.

My friends, not knowing the guy outside of facebook messages gave him the benefit of the doubt, and added him to our group. How do I fix this? I see great potential for us, but honestly, with this guy that potential is gonna be absolute zero.

Hell, even if we even get a show with this guy, he's prone to getting his band kicked off sets because he trash-talks other bands. Hell, he even trashed the drummer in THIS band, because I left his band to join this one.

I feel like this guy is gonna sink this band like a stone, and I wanna know if I, being the only songwriter, should pull the plug now, or try and reason with my bandmates.
Click to expand...

First off, how do your "friends" get to add another member to the band without even consulting YOU about it?

That's your first problem right there.... and tells me where you really stand with THEM. The while thing could have been avoided had they even sent you a quick text about it.

Did you just show up to a rehearsal and the singer was there?
 
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#14
Time for a band discussion (without would be vocalist, of course). Come to a group decision (which is what you should have done in the first place). Assuming you agree the guy is a no (which would be my vote), meet him in a public place, as a group, and politely tell him it's not going to work.

But it sounds like you need to get a vocalist. For most genres of music, vocals are the most important thing, never mind the issue of a front person on stage. Based upon your post, neither of you are lead singer material.
 
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#16
Hi Dexterzol :)

Dexterzol said:
I feel like this guy is gonna sink this band like a stone, and I wanna know if I, being the only songwriter, should pull the plug now, or try and reason with my bandmates.
Click to expand...

Here is what I would do:

Get the "band" together for a meeting (without that guy!)

Make it a cool meeting with pizza and beers, where all of you can talk about their expectations.

Let the others talk first. That way you will know if the project has a future or not!

Maybe you will have to make certain compromises about the music, but

you will have to make clear that your plans exclude the guy!


greetings

Wise(b)ass
 
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#19
Dexterzol said:
So me and some ex-bandmates just assembled a three-piece. We are all talented guys I'd say, and we have the diversity of influences and the weirdness needed to make something unique. We basically have the know-how to make our own dream band, but there's one HUGE obstacle.

Ever since the "original band", there has been this... special guy who's had an interest in us. Way back when, during my dark ages as a guitarist I played a sort of "backing band" to this guy. He's a nice enough guy, but he's socially bizarre, and honestly can't carry a tune in a bucket.

I had to leave when he missed half the lyrics and did an off-key rendition of a Johnny Cash song, which even his brother called him out on. Basically, he's been badgering us to be his BACKING BAND (huge insult right there), and now wants in on our three piece.

My friends, not knowing the guy outside of facebook messages gave him the benefit of the doubt, and added him to our group. How do I fix this? I see great potential for us, but honestly, with this guy that potential is gonna be absolute zero.

Hell, even if we even get a show with this guy, he's prone to getting his band kicked off sets because he trash-talks other bands. Hell, he even trashed the drummer in THIS band, because I left his band to join this one.

I feel like this guy is gonna sink this band like a stone, and I wanna know if I, being the only songwriter, should pull the plug now, or try and reason with my bandmates.
Click to expand...

You have to get a backbone and say no otherwise you will end up like this band

 
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#20
DirtDog said:
What’s to stop this guy badgering you again if you break this up and start something else? Sounds like he’s got some other kinds of connections to your social/musical circles. And it appears he’s got some sort of delusional thing happening.

I’d say show some intestinal fortitude and deal with this head on and end it. If that’s not appetizing, cut bait.

This is just gonna fester if you don’t choose one of these options.
Click to expand...
Well, if I'm starting something of my own, I'd just tell him off, plain and simple. It's exactly why he targeted the "softie" of the group. I'm rehearsing tomorrow, so probably just gonna lay it all out.
 
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