Firstly, The Strange Moon Tongues would be an awesome band name.
Secondly, don't knock your playing. That's a nice solid melodic line you've played there.
The overall production is, to my ears, too busy, and over-instrumentalised, but that's certainly not your fault.
That said, it's catchy, and the vocals are really nice.
My thoughts exactly - introduce some dynamics to the arrangement and it would take a song with some charm to something really awesome. Shades of Billy Joel. And nice bass playing, btw.