Very late to the party, but I've been itching to tell my story, so here it is.
After a multi-decade break from playing I picked up the bass again back in February when a buddy invited me to jam in his living room. We played an open mic, and then I found a band for us to join on Bandmix. Seemed like a decent match; guys around our age (50s-60s) with a solo album project the singer/guitarist/keyboardist/owner of the studio and PA had done, and a promise of 80s-90s alt-rock covers to fill the empty space. Not exactly the band I'd have picked for myself, but my buddy had never played with a full band or been paid to play before, and I wanted to help him reach those goals.
The audition was... interesting. Singer has a big spread right on the river in Great Falls with a studio in an outbuilding, allegedly can bring 150 people to any gig we play, and has one scheduled in 5 weeks. We learn 5 of his original songs and a couple of covers, and turn up on audition day. There's very little talk up front, and the drummer and guitarist barely acknowledge us beyond a basic introduction as they're setting up. First thing I notice is that the drummer is barely there, sonically. Turns out he's a multi-instrumentalist whose primary gig is bass player in a bluegrass band, and he has zero interest in the genre we're playing, and he plays it really, really softly and at a variable tempo. Then there's the lead guitarist. Plays literally nonstop for the 2+ hours we're there. Singer is telling us what song is next as he's soloing away in the corner, oblivious. Eventually it's over and they tell us when they usually rehearse, but never actually tell us we're in. If it had been just me I'd have fled then and there, but I'm there to support my buddy's goals, so decide to see how it goes.
Have a couple of phone calls with the singer in the 5 weeks before the first gig trying to sus out exactly how this band works. Is it a democracy? A pirate ship? He says he does all the booking, but wants the rest of the band to chip in more with everything else, and doesn't want to be in charge of picking covers or music directing (which is wise, as there's no time when the guitarist isn't playing in which to direct the music). Figure the entire band needs to have this conversation, and he agrees, so I put it aside. In the next few weeks I design and order us business cards, help the singer reconfigure the studio in a rational way so that everyone can see each other. Manage the band's first ever levels check at a rehearsal so everyone can hear each other, and make some subtle (I though) suggestions on how we can tighten up and improve. Singer asks if I want to be the guy to tell the guitarist to STFU between songs. I decline this honor, but do suggest that we *all* pause between songs for feedback a few times before going away to perform an unnatural act upon myself. I get the same reaction when I suggest we rehearse to a click in order to tighten up faster ('Why you dissing the drummer that way?!'), or recommend that the singer (who, frankly, blows) spend an hour with a vocal coach (just had my first lesson since 1979, which I found super helpful, but he took the gentle recommendation as a critique), or that we dress for shows instead of showing up in cutoff sweat shorts and manky t-shirts. No effect on the band whatsoever, but boy was I sexually gratified!
First show was a hot mess of originals rearranged on the fly by the singer, who doesn't seem to know exactly how they go, truly jarring covers that, IMO, do not fit with the sound of the original material (Why are we playing *I'm a Believer*? Because 'it's a good song and people like it'...) in front of maybe 30 people. Rough, but the sound guy we hired did a great job of making us sound acceptable. Really went above and beyond. Then, as we're packing up singer offers him the bag of sodas and chips the venue had provided the band, 'because you're poor'. Never saw him again.
So the next week I talk to the singer a couple more times on the phone, and he reiterates that he doesn't want to be the one picking songs, and that a 45 minute band meeting is a good idea at our next meetup to make sure everyone is on the same page. The frabjous day arrives, and I walk into the studio with a plan to discuss how the band is managed, how the first gig went, where we should look to improve, etc. Singer says, 'DC Erik has something to tell us, so we'd better listen an not hurt his feelings.' Oof. I explain that what I'd actually wanted to do, and what singer had agreed to, was a quick band discussion, but drummer and lead guitar are all, 'talking about playing is BS! We just play!'. I ask, again, if I can just get clarity on how the band is run, and by whom, to be told that singer has a 51% stake in the band and has final say. So at least we got that established. That's also when I found out that my suggestions were all insulting and offensive.
Again, if it had just been me I'd have been gone, but they had gigs in the pipeline and my buddy still hadn't been paid to play, so I figured the pressure is off me to try to improve the band, as we have an official band leader. I did make one more effort to rationalize our song choices by making up a spreadsheet of 100 covers I thought we could manage with the lineup and talent available to us, and invited the rest of the members to do the same so we could see where we overlapped and pick songs that the band (drummer aside) was at least familiar with. No traction whatsoever there, but singer would still ask me for cover suggestions for his approval regularly. When I reminded him that I'd suggested 100 songs he replied, 'you can't suggest 100 songs!'. Ok. Keep picking on the basis of 'it's a good song, and people like it', I guess. But I was starting to tire of spending an hour or two learning a song that nobody else did, which happened more than once. Still, it was the <Singer's Name> Band, so I figured I'd back off and let him run it and see how it went.
Over the next three months we played three more shows, getting no offers to play again at those venues, and making no apparent progress in tightening up, choosing better songs, or drawing more than a couple dozen of singer's friends to show up. 2nd to last show was godawful, with singer spending ages switching between untuned telecaster and annoying key-tar, breaking strings, and generally spending 1/2 of our stage time butt-touching instead of making with the music. Played the last gig we had on the books and then my buddy and I bowed out, returned to the living room, and are having a blast working with some vocalist on a 'singcubator' open mic project that looks to be evolving into an actual band. Where we talk to one another, and listen to each other, and are at least as interested in making good show as we are in getting our own itches scratched.
Was I being overly controlling and possibly insulting with my prior bandmates? Possibly, although I did try my best to be diplomatic and to couch everything in terms of improving the band, and made sure to praise the skills, tone, and beauty of my bandmates in my suggestion sandwiches. But making the same suggestions in the same way to my current collaborators hasn't caused anyone to get up in their fee fees the way the old guys did, and I can see concrete improvements all around. I honestly did home that the old one would work out, as some of the raw materials were pretty good, but without effective communication it was doomed from the drop, IMVHO, and too dysfunctional to change.
