Please tell me im overthinking things...

ThisisCraigP

ThisisCraigP

Aug 23, 2009
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Davison,Michigan
#1
first time i have posted here in a while! im glad i could remember my login and that TB is still around!! anyway...

ill try and keep this brief. many years ago i started playing w/ some friends and this last year we finally hooked up with some new great guys, who also sing! something that we hadn't really had yet. plenty of musicians, but no singers. anyway, i wasn't around when these new guys started jamming b/c i had some personal stuff going on, but all that gets settled and i come over to jam. i had fun, it was wonderful that these guys gave the group some focus and direction to learn whole songs and honestly things sounded great. buutt..i kinda felt like a 7th wheel. theres already 3/4/5 guitarists/bass/drums, so where does that leave me?

but i figured if i kept practicing w/ them its a perfect chance to practice some 'bobby weir' type rhythm given that the 'musical spectrum' is kinda crowed. then my job changes and now i can only come out n practice like once a month if that.

getting long so ill try n wrap it up. so time comes for our first gig, and im stoked. i just love playing, even if i totally dont know the songs, i think of it as a great chance to put ear training/chord voicing/etc to practice. ive been playing a long ass time so jumping into stuff i dont know font and back doesn't bother me, in fact its nice to work out new stuff to fit in w/ the group. the day before the show one of the singers comes in to my work and im all 'whats up bro, tomorrows going to be awesome! hope the weather is nice!'

and he kinda gives this taken aback look and says something like 'yeah, yeah, if we have time i guess you could play or something, we'll see'. I cant remember exactly what he said, but needless to say I wasn't expecting something so...rude...or just off putting. even my co-worker was like '*** was that'. and whats wrong w/ me playing in the group i help start? kinda took the wind outta my sails and fed more into 'im being pete bested out of the band'

ill end w/ this. there's friend of mine i brought around after i got my friends to start playing. i bring over this buddy who absolutely KILLS it on guitar! wonderful jazz chords, incredible tasteful solos, can shred w/ soul. just an incredible player and everyone raves about him....but like now that im being pushed out i kinda think 'gee if i didnt bring over my bro, you guys wouldnt even know about him', and also cant help but think 'i influenced everyone here to start playing and now that we're finally doing shows i'm kinda like...floating in the wind' cause literally, everyone bought guitars and i helped them get stated years ago b/c i was always playing drunk at parties lmao.

dont take this the wrong way. i am so happy for them, i just wanted to put my thoughts into writing b/c its been on my mind for some time. i also know i did this myself. if i had made more of an effort into fitting into this from the beginning it wouldn't feel so...'unnatural' now? maybe not the right word. and the burner, they had a show this last week and nobody even bothered to tell me about it so i could take it off work like i did the first show. that hurt honestly. second time this has happened.

once again im really not trying to sound like a bitch. just venting and maybe people can give me some insight and tell me im just overthinking everything ( which i think/hope i am).. but silver lining///i wanna start finally practicing singing, and get another group together to play more like minded material. ive always wanted to do JGB/GD/Neil Young/Lou Reed/etc covers, but since i couldnt sing, and nobody else i played w/ liked that music i never bothered trying to get my mates to practice any of those tunes over the years. maybe i should have been more of a director. which a mutual friend of ours told me years back when i was letting off steam about the lack of direction w/ our music.

okay rant over, any advice is welcome. am i just too in my own head? and once again, i am happy about things, i just wish i was more included. and not even being told about the last couple shows really got me thinking about things.
 
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#3
51PRI said:
It appears that your personal issues and work requirements have put in place a situation in which the band had to move on without you.
Click to expand...


hate to admit it but i think you're right. it just stings....ive been playing w/ these cats for 10 years, and we were mates in school before. i just dont get it. i still practice from their recordings so i have some idea what their doing, and there's so many people playing i can sit back and put in colour at times its needed. its not like the music is totally dependent on what im playing. i get getting the boot if im ruining everything but its far from that. but who knows, maybe that is what they think! lmao. weird how life goes....
 
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#5
ThisisCraigP said:
theres already 3/4/5 guitarists/bass/drums, so where does that leave me?
Click to expand...

ThisisCraigP said:
getting long so ill try n wrap it up. so time comes for our first gig, and im stoked. i just love playing, even if i totally dont know the songs, i think of it as a great chance to put ear training/chord voicing/etc to practice. ive been playing a long ass time so jumping into stuff i dont know font and back doesn't bother me, in fact its nice to work out new stuff to fit in w/ the group.
Click to expand...

ThisisCraigP said:
i still practice from their recordings so i have some idea what their doing, and there's so many people playing i can sit back and put in colour at times its needed. its not like the music is totally dependent on what im playing.
Click to expand...

Sounds like they have a stage full of musicians, including bass...

and you don't know the material, just want to jam on top of it for fun.

Not trying to offend, but I can't imagine why you think you should be there. :)
 
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#6
How many people are in this group? It kinda sounds like there may be enough for two bands. That's fine if y'all are just jamming, but if you're playing out regularly, why not split this into two working groups? You'll still have to make a better commitment to learning songs and making rehearsals if you're going to be the guy on bass.
 
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#7
It sounds like they've moved on and don't need you either.
Maybe it doesn't work musically, maybe they don't need an extra head to pay/fit on stage.
However, its likely their consensus?
Ungrateful..? maybe, but that still doesn't necessarily make their decision to marginalise you as wrong, and even if it did, they seem to hold the cards.
 
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#8
The fact that you brought someone in means nothing. I don't know how long you were out of the picture, but it sounds like just at the time the band became serious (although they should have been more forward with you when the gig came up). You also said you don't even know the tunes. You aren't being Pete Bested.

How often/serious does the band intend to gig?

I would have a discussion with the band and see where you stand in the scheme of things. Take it from there. If the door is open, play at the gig what you can, and then afterwards, decide what you want to do.
 
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#10
What's this first gig? If it's just a casual jam session in someone's backyard or something, OK, I can see you jumping in to jam a bit.

If it's an actual paid gig for an audience at a venue, no, I would not expect an extra instrumentalist who doesn't know the material to be on stage, even if he were an old buddy who used to hang with the band when they got started.

This looks like a situation where you basically "quiet quit" the band without acknowledging to yourself that that's what you were doing.
 
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#11
So maybe I got it wrong here, if so I'll apologize in advance.

But if when you returned there was already a bass player in the picture I would surely have opened my mouth right away and asked "what's up?" No reason to waste your time or theirs if they already had made a decision regarding your involvement in the group.

I was "Pete Bested" in far more short order once and it turned me off playing for a couple years. Hope that doesn't happen to you. Learn a lesson from this experience and move forward. Best of luck.
 
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#13
Dude. You admitted you don't know the material, can't rehearse regularly (and since you admitted you don't know the material likely don't practice regularly), made no real effort to fit in and now you're butt hurt because they don't want/need you when the paid bookings (likely booked by someone other than you) are finally happening? Reality check time - you're not serious about being in an organized band because you're not doing any of the even most basic things required to be in an organized band. Even remotely semi interested players don't have time for that kind of slacking.

If you wanna be in a band you have to BE IN THE BAND, meaning doing the things, making the time sacrifices and contributions required to be a contributing member of the group. According to your own words you're doing none of that. You want to be included you have to make the effort required to be worthy of being included.
 
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#14
Were you invited back to the practices/jams after your personal issues? Was it more of just showing up and they were too polite to say anything? Sounds like you are playing guitar not bass correct? i know it hurts but like others have said I couldn't imagine playing a gig without knowing the material.
 
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#16
what a convoluted mess.

A couple of thoughts:
"Coming over to jam" does not equal "band member", unless otherwise designated - especially if they already have a guy on bass. Multiple bass groups are pretty unusual and typically, they are exhibitions of monster players jamming together, not cover bands.

It's unfortunate that your "mates" didn't clarify what was going on in your regards. As soon as it turned into a "we intend to gig" project, things should have been worked out so that everyone knew what was going on.

I agree with the thoughts that you didn't rally give them a lot of choice; you weren't available when they were growing roots - and then you just show up and assume you're a band member.

Going down the "they wouldn't be anywhere if I hadn't done 'this'" road is of no value to you. Drop it, learn from the experience and keep working towards the next opportunity.
 
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#20
Man, use the experience you've gathered by playing with them and the practice hours and start another project.
Use this experience to learn and when starting another band do things diferently.
You'll find other musicians to play and can built new stuff with them.
This boat has sailed without you and you have 2 options: standing at the harbour staring at the horizont or getting on a new boat with a diferent crew.
 
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