Worked a couple of fern bars in and around the DC metro area. I would have the bartender and server mix up a water with a slice " and make it look like a drink" no problem, no awkwardness. It was just easier that way. And afterwards a few times the server would ask for a lift, because she knew I was sober and we worked together enough to have a rapport of familiarity. It was cool.
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Staying off the Booze
- Thread starter bigboy_78
- Start date
Probably 50% of the time I'll have a draft before the last set. Just a thirst quencher. Usually half of it it left over. I like the idea of the NA beers but not the calories. OP, I have two thoughts for you. One, trying to be someone you are not only creates unnecessary stress. If you absolutely don't want to socialize, then don't. You are not being paid for it. You do you. Life is too short. My second thought is that if you really do want to improve your socialization skills and interact with people, try this. Come up with 2 or 3 questions as conversation starters. "Is the sound mix good?" "Do you like the 70's stuff we did in that last set?" or whatever.
It is weird that people have a unique perception of musicians. They think we want to talk about music ALL the time. When I'm breaking down after the gig, the last thing I want to hear about is your music preferences in agonizing detail. I saw an interview with James Hetfield and he hated going to the grocery store because everyone that recognized him would just say "Hey Dude, rock on!" and show the devil horns. He just wanted someone to talk to him like a normal person. Fortunately, most of us don't have that problem.
It is weird that people have a unique perception of musicians. They think we want to talk about music ALL the time. When I'm breaking down after the gig, the last thing I want to hear about is your music preferences in agonizing detail. I saw an interview with James Hetfield and he hated going to the grocery store because everyone that recognized him would just say "Hey Dude, rock on!" and show the devil horns. He just wanted someone to talk to him like a normal person. Fortunately, most of us don't have that problem.
OP checking in on Sunday morning.
Friday night, pretty quite gig. Grabbed a jug of soda-water fo the night. Made some small talk. This is easy.
Saturday night. Breast Cancer fundraiser 300 women, no men. Setup at 6 to play at eight, went to bar to get my jug of soda water and walked away with my first beer, had one so had my normal 4 beers. Dissaponting.
I’m not really in fear of being an alcoholic, but I am on meds for anxiety/depresssion which I probably should’ve mentioned in my first post. Alcohol reduces the effects of the medication, so for a few moments of comfort at a gig I spend a week in a bit of a funk.
Anyway try again next weekend.
Friday night, pretty quite gig. Grabbed a jug of soda-water fo the night. Made some small talk. This is easy.
Saturday night. Breast Cancer fundraiser 300 women, no men. Setup at 6 to play at eight, went to bar to get my jug of soda water and walked away with my first beer, had one so had my normal 4 beers. Dissaponting.
I’m not really in fear of being an alcoholic, but I am on meds for anxiety/depresssion which I probably should’ve mentioned in my first post. Alcohol reduces the effects of the medication, so for a few moments of comfort at a gig I spend a week in a bit of a funk.
Anyway try again next weekend.
Well ya did great on Friday.... Sat not so much..... keep working on it. But what timeframe we talking here. In my younger days I was pretty good at drinking. But 4 beers over the course of the night (6-8 hrs) was just keeping my throat wet. Now 4 beers before the 2nd set is a problem. Regardless being aware that you're better off without any is key here. Ya don't need it.
Being on the meds really changes thing, IMO. If the meds aren't helping you get by you need to speak with your doctor. An adjustment in dosage may be necessary. Drinking on top of most, if not all anti depression/anti anxiety meds is a dangerous game.
When I think about the DUI laws, the bored / fussy police in the small towns I have to drive through AND my old saxophone playing buddy who lives behind a bush now (literally) because he couldn't contain his drinking, one beer on the gig seems like PLENTY.
Alcohol is insidious. It weaves its way into your life/psyche/self-image/etc. As soon as you start to think you need it to accomplish a task - that's trouble, my friend. ESPECIALLY as it relates to social interaction. Trust me - NOBODY is better/funnier/more interesting when alcohol is involved. The only people who may think so are probably others who feel they can't interact without being intoxicated. If you have people around you that push that idea - please do yourself a huge favor and find different people. I removed alcohol from my life in January 2023. It was, without question, the best decision I've ever made. I was headed towards dependency; I know that now. I'm socially awkward - I suck at small talk, and I have a hard time meeting people. But you know what? I've learned to accept that aspect of myself, and I know realize that some people, I just connect with, and it's easy. The people that I WANT to talk to are these people, and I now seek them out. My entire world view on who to surround myself with and interact with has changed for the better. I'm not a social butterfly, and that's not a bad thing, it's just who I am.
buldog5151bass
Kibble, milkbones, and P Basses. And redheads.
Do you need alcohol to interact with your co-workers? Do you need alcohol to talk with the person at the cash register or Stop and Shop?
If the answer is yes, then you need to speak with a professional about your anxiety issues. If not, you have your answer. You think you need alcohol where others do. Get a glass of seller and toss a wedge of lime in it if it makes you feel more a part of the crowd.
If the answer is yes, then you need to speak with a professional about your anxiety issues. If not, you have your answer. You think you need alcohol where others do. Get a glass of seller and toss a wedge of lime in it if it makes you feel more a part of the crowd.
I couldn't agree more, Thanks for posting that.
My very busy trio may be without me in the not too distant future for this very reason, it's a shame.
I have trouble working with / being around addicts of any kind. It's no fun watching folks take themselves down.
13 years ago this time of year I had to kick my addict wife out of our home to save her life and reclaim mine.
I told myself never again would I let another's' disease of attitude interfere with my life and it's happening again with bandmembers & their sig others.
My gf who lost her Mom to alcoholism rarely attend my gigs due to not wanting to be around it.
I do like a nice pumpkin lager this time of year though. One is plenty for me....
im really shy and don't drink, i don't have any real advice but i just try not to make the alcohol into a focal point. they can pick up on when im nervous. the less attention i draw to it, the less other people tend to talk about it. not always the case of course 
but that's pretty much my strategy i guess
but that's pretty much my strategy i guessi can't do it either, having family members who are/were addicted to substances. i try to understand where others are coming from but i really just don't have the emotional capacity to be around it any more than i already have
Lots of good thoughts here. I’ll add my own, which aren’t completely unique.
Sometimes having a drink, any drink, in hand can help distract you and also let you blend in. Another member suggested tonic or club soda with lemon, and that could work to give you the disguise/distraction without having you consume alcohol.
Also, think of a few conversation topics you’re comfortable discussing with folks in the crowd. Sports are good, music is kind of obvious, or just ask people how they’re liking the show, what they like to hear when out, or what the levels are sounding like. Doesn’t really matter what you ask them, but if you’re getting them to do the heavy lifting in the conversation then it makes your life easier and makes them feel a little more special/involved with the whole affair.
Sometimes having a drink, any drink, in hand can help distract you and also let you blend in. Another member suggested tonic or club soda with lemon, and that could work to give you the disguise/distraction without having you consume alcohol.
Also, think of a few conversation topics you’re comfortable discussing with folks in the crowd. Sports are good, music is kind of obvious, or just ask people how they’re liking the show, what they like to hear when out, or what the levels are sounding like. Doesn’t really matter what you ask them, but if you’re getting them to do the heavy lifting in the conversation then it makes your life easier and makes them feel a little more special/involved with the whole affair.
It just happened. Alcohol was making me sleep badly, and the taste of it was usually not worth it. So 6 years ago I just stopped.
These days I drink Heineken 0.0 which has the same taste but without the actual alcohol. I miss the buzz only a teensy bit. In Europe I would drink Leffe 0.0 which is remarkably good.
These days I drink Heineken 0.0 which has the same taste but without the actual alcohol. I miss the buzz only a teensy bit. In Europe I would drink Leffe 0.0 which is remarkably good.
Sonoma Bass
(was "Ukiah Bass")
Such an interesting read! So much anguish and struggle. Ironically, most musicians on TalkBass wouldn't be gigging at all if they weren't being hired by establishments that sell booze. (OK, maybe not the church bands! :->) Music performance and alcoholic consumption are joined at the hip, irrespective of if you're a musician who doesn't drink. They are called "bar bands" for a reason: the live music helps promote sales of alcoholic beverages consumed on the spot. "Hey, don't forget to tip the bartender and wait staff! One more round!" Yech. I'm glad to be completely out of that scene.
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I can only speak for myself, a recovering alcoholic who works 3 nights a week in bars.
I work a program. As part of the program as it relates to gigging in public, there are two things I do:
- I allow myself one break of quiet time where I go outside, take a walk around the block or just sit peacefully. After a set of non-stop sensory overload, it has a calming effect I use to maintain my sobriety, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
- I get comfortable being uncomfortable. This has helped me be more comfortable being sociable during the other two breaks. Getting comfortable being uncomfortable is considered "a skill that involves embracing unfamiliar or challenging situations as opportunities for learning and growth". It's like woodshedding new songs; The more often, the easier.
Aside: Alcohol Abuse Disorder/Alcoholism affects one in ten adults in the US. This isn't to say you have a problem with alcohol, but if you ever get to a place in life where you ask yourself "Am I an alcoholic?", here's a good tell: If you want to stop drinking and find you can't, or once you pickup that first drink you find you can't regulate how much you drink, well, I hope to see you in a meeting someday.
I can empathize. I have partially read a couple of books on becoming a better socializer. I thought the books were pretty much a waste of time as the secret is study and practice. In other words, you have to work at it if it doesn't come naturally.
The study part essentially involves researching, developing, and memorizing interesting things to talk about. It's easier if you are actually interested in common conversation topics...which I am not. Also it's easier to practice something you enjoy, and I don't enjoy small talk and general shooting the. However if socializing was something I had to do three or more times a week, I could get better at it.
Just keep in mind, if you are an introvert becoming a successful socializer is likely to be a life-long journey. It's not going to happen over night unless you are actually a closet extrovert....and I have met people whose experience seems to fit that description.
Good luck.
You can go very far in a conversation without any knowledge of a given topic, by just letting the other person do the talking. All it takes from your side is some questions that show (or feign) an interest, and a look of concentration as they yap on. Add in some follow-up questions about something they said that intrigued you, and voila.
But, here's the thing: do try and remember at least some of what you two talked about! It gets embarrassing if you ask the same questions every time.